In last weeks blog I touched on the topic of happiness and finding meaning in times of suffering. As mentioned in the blog, most of us wouldn’t put happiness along with a pandemic or racial injustice. However it may be the very thing that gives us hope and pulls us through these difficult times.
Course on happiness at Yale
There is plenty of research on happiness in times of difficulty. Laurie Santos at Yale developed a class called “Psychology and the Good Life.” She did this after recognizing that many of her students were under a lot of stress and were not happy. This class became a huge success as it focuses on how to increase happiness. It appears that there is a free online version of this class (www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being).
In the course she discusses the science behind happiness and the things we need to do to help improve it, such as eat right, sleep, exercise, decrease stress, etc. But more importantly she talks about some myths of happiness that get in the way of feeling a sense of deeper well being.
People may think that certain things will make us happy, like money and status and overlook the things that truly give our life meaning. She states that when we compare ourselves with others vs. look at what really makes us happy, it gets in the way. If we are looking for something on the outside to make us happy we never will be. It’s the things that come from the inside that truly matter.
What makes you happy?
Can you think of an example in your own life? When I look at the times we have had to evacuate from hurricanes, I noticed something. The first time we had to evacuate for hurricane Rita we had the car packed to the gills with all of our “important belongings.” We honestly didn’t know if we would have a house to return to. Then we left for Ike and Harvey.
What I noticed after each hurricane was that we brought fewer and fewer things with us. With Harvey all we packed was clothing, toiletries, our kids and our cats. Realistically the things didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was the living beings in the car. As long as we had those, we had all the riches we needed. Realizing this and feeling this often brings tears to my eyes. I feel gratitude, blessings and the meanings of these relationships. The rest is just stuff. I’d gladly give up all my stuff to have the people I love.
Factors important for happiness (per Santos)
Connection
We are wired to connect with others. This is paramount to our happiness and well being. Having good relationships also keeps us healthy; helps reduce stress and decrease inflammation. The research also shows that it is not the number of relationships that you have, but the quality of the relationship that matters.
Some clients I work with feel that something is wrong with them if they don’t have a lot of friends. This is not true, as long as you have a few people that you truly connect with, will be there for you in a time of need, or who love you for who you are, then you have all you need. Don’t forget that if you have a partner, he or she also counts as one of these people.
Movement and breath
I also ask people about exercise in my intake. The reason being is that exercise helps just as much with our emotional health as physical. Research shows that exercise is better than medication for decreasing anxiety and depression. Those endorphins will make you feel better than anything else.
Yoga along with its slow breathing is also great. That breathing increases oxygen to your system, which calms down your anxiety.
Gratitude
Notice the simple things in life that bring you joy. Perhaps seeing a sunrise, the waves of the ocean, your baby’s smile, or a sleeping cat in the sunspot on the floor will do it for you. We all have daily things that will bring us joy if we look for it. Perhaps someone opens the door for you or lets you cut in on a busy road. Sit with these moments, savor them and appreciate them.
Other research on happiness
U-shape curve
David Blanchflower an economist at Dartmouth College talks about a U-shape curve in happiness over a lifetime. According to his theory our happiness peaks in our 20’s, gets to a low in our late 40’s and then increases again in our 50’s. Interestingly these results hold true for cultures other than the US.
Another professor, Frank Infurna from Arizona State University explains this U-Shaped curve. He says that we don’t realize how much stress and pressure we have. This tends to be realized in our 40’s and we need to figure out where to put our time, money and energy. An upside to these challenges is that it rewires our brains. For those of you who continually take care of your physical and mental health over the years, you gain wisdom. You also gain a greater sense of purpose and meaning in life. The things that may have once upset you are no longer such a big deal.
Neuroscientific studies
A neuroscientist by the name of Mara Mather studies the brain over different ages. As people age they tend to remember more positive images and situations. They don’t dwell as much on the negatives. Meike Bartels studies the genetics of joy. She states that 35-40% of our happiness is genetic. Different things lead to happiness in different people based on their DNA.
Hopefully this research makes you think more about happiness and what it truly means for you. As we all struggle though the challenges going on in our lives I hope we are able to find meaning and realize what truly brings us joy. If this is something I can help you with, please give me a call at 713-304-6554.
Take care,
Debbie
