Fathers Day is just around the corner. Perhaps you are a father, or you have lost a father. If you are a father, I hope your children honor you and make you feel special and loved. For those of you who have lost your dad either due to death, or lack of a relationship, this blog on Fathers Day grief is for you.

If your father is no longer here, I hope you had the relationship you wanted with him and that he was a kind and loving man. Ideally you looked up to him and he was your role model. My wish is that he had a long and happy life.

We also know that not everyone wins the lottery when it comes to parents. You may not have had the father you wish you had. Maybe he wasn’t there for you in the way you needed. If so, my heart goes out to you. In addition, he may still be alive, yet you have a distant or no relationship at all. This is very difficult, as we want the love and respect of both parents.

Regardless, if your dad is no longer in your life, you may struggle even more with Fathers Day Grief. It’s a reminder of what you no longer have or are missing. There are all sorts of things you can do to either honor your father, or just get through the day.

How to deal with Fathers Day grief

Honor your feelings

Feelings are not right or wrong. They are based on what the world has taught us, and that is different for everyone. You may have many conflicting emotions, especially if you didn’t have a good relationship, or your dad was a difficult person.  Allow your self to grieve without judgment. You feelings are valid, and no one else has to agree with them.

Reach out to friends and family

When we share our pain with others (who are safe to share with) we feel less alone. It helps you feel heard and validated. In addition, the person you share with might also be hurting.

You may want to share memories with your family members. My guess is that there will be a few laughs amongst the tears.

Start a tradition to ease your Fathers Day grief

Do you want to do something to honor your father? Perhaps he had a favorite meal or drink. Maybe you have a special memory of a place you visited together. If it’s local can you go to that spot? Some people like to visit the gravesite, if there is one. Other’s lift off balloons or paper lanterns. You can light a candle. Maybe you want to plant a tree or bush in his honor. There are all sorts of different things you can do. Just follow your heart and whatever feels right.

Practice self-care

What do you need to do to take care of yourself? How do you release stress? You can spend time in nature, engage in a hobby or spend time with friends. Maybe you like peace and quiet. That is fine too. Only you know what you need to recharge your batteries. Some practice mindfulness, meditation or exercise.

Volunteer

When we volunteer, it takes us away from our own struggles. It feels good to know you are helping others. As a result, you will feel good about yourself.

Stay off social media

If seeing posts from other people about fathers is too painful for you, stay off social media. Or you can limit whom you follow if there is someone who triggers you. You may not want to see all the others who are celebrating their dads when yours is no longer here, as it may exacerbate your Fathers Day grief. Also remember, that the things you see on social media are only snapshots that don’t tell the whole story. It’s easy to assume that everyone else’s family is perfect. It is not.

Don’t beat yourself up

If your relationship wasn’t what you wanted don’t beat yourself up. You may not have been there for him in the way you wanted or vice versa. Others blame themselves for not getting him to the hospital sooner, or knowing he was sick. Also, remember that a relationship is a 2 way street. Thus, dad played a part of whatever dynamic was occurring.

Be kind and gentle with yourself. Learn to practice self-compassion. If you did make mistakes, remind yourself that you are human. Forgive yourself and move on.

Get help for Fathers Day grief

Grief is a common reason people seek out therapy. It often helps to have someone to talk to who is not emotionally involved in your situation. You can talk freely without judgment. If I can help you through your Fathers Day grief, please let me know. Give me a call at 713-304-6554.

Take care,

Debbie