Your Inner Critic

Have you ever listened to your inner voice? Really paid attention? You know the one that is there 24/7 ready to criticize you at a moments notice? Many people have a really mean inner voice. They say they are their own worst critic.

Where did this voice come from? Think back to your childhood and while growing up. Was someone critical of you? Perhaps mom, dad, caregiver, teacher or religious figure. These people can have a big influence on the way you look at yourself.

Here’s something to ponder. If you talk to someone else the way you talk to yourself, would you have any friends? Probably not. So how about working on being a friend to yourself? You can learn to quiet that inner critic in your head. Just remember, just because someone was critical of you doesn’t mean what they said is true. You no longer need to beat yourself up.

Some of the ideas in this blog come from a therapist website Between Sessions.

Ways to overcome your inner critic

Five things you would like to hear

Make a list of 5 things you would like to hear from someone who means a lot to you. Do you want to hear that they are proud of you? That you are perfect just the way you are? That you are a good person? A good spouse, or a good parent?

Next, close your eyes and take a moment. Imagine this person is standing in front of you and saying one of the things you’d like to hear. Where are you? What are they wearing? What is the tone in their voice?
Think about the words they are saying. Let them sink in.

What are they doing that makes you feel loved and cared about? Are you saying anything back to them? What are you doing while they are saying these kind things to you?

Now focus back to your critical voice in your head. What is it currently saying?

Now go back to that kind voice and what it is saying.

Hopefully this is helpful for you and you are able to quiet the negative voice.

Angel and devil

For some people it helps to imagine an angel and a devil on their shoulders. If the devil is your inner critic and spouting off all kinds of negative thoughts, what would the angel say back to them. The more you do this, the better you will be at taming that inner critic.

What would you say to a child

Another way to practice this is to think about what you might say to yourself when you were a child. My guess is you would be much kinder. As silly as it sounds, imagine how you would word your criticism to a 5 year old. This may help soften that voice.

Purpose of your inner critic

You also might want to ask yourself what purpose your inner critic has. For instance perhaps you have had similar feedback from several people. So maybe there is some veracity to your inner critic. In this case, pay attention to it. What can you do to work on whatever is bothering you? We all have something that we need to work on.

Maybe your inner voice protects you from something you are afraid to do. It keeps you stuck and prevents you from growing personally. At this point in time you may want to seek out therapy. This way you can be aware of what you are doing and work on your fears. Remember, the longer you avoid something, the greater the fear grows.

There is nothing wrong with being aware of the things we need to work on. This is part of being human. However, when we make mistakes, it’s important to apologize and make amends when necessary. Then learn from your mistake and move on from it.

If you tend to beat yourself up on a regular basis, therapy can help.  There is no need to be so harsh on yourself. Please give me a call at 713-304-6554 if this is something I can help you out with.

Take care,

Debbie