Boundaries in Relationships

The last blog I wrote focused on how to tell if you had healthy boundaries. If you have dysfunctional or chaotic relationships, then you probably need to set some boundaries. Most of us can be a little firmer in some areas. There are several places you may want to look to see if you need to reinforce or set new boundaries in relationships.

Boundaries in romantic relationships

If you don’t have boundaries in your romantic relationships this sets you up to be taken advantage of or even abused. No one deserves this, so it is important that you learn to set these to take care of yourself physically, emotionally and sexually. No one should have to do something they are not comfortable with. Any healthy partner will accept these boundaries and not make you feel bad about it later.

Boundaries with family

These may be the most difficult to set, as nothing is more complicated than our immediate family relationships. Perhaps you have a family member who tries to make you feel guilty if you stick up for yourself, or say no to something. They may remind you of all the things they have done for you. Maybe that is true. However if you are not able to do what they are asking, the cost will be too great, or if it goes against your value system, then say no. Remember boundaries in relationships are not to keep others happy, they are set to keep you safe.

Boundaries with life work balance

I talked about this in my blog 2 weeks ago. It is important to balance these two things. It is so easy for work life to bleed into home life. Is there something you can do to improve this boundary? Is reading that work email at home going to make a difference? Can you look at it the next workday? If you let people know that you are essentially on call all the time, they will come to expect it. Now if you have a job where you have to be on call, that is a different story.

Boundaries with free time

This is yours to use as you choose. If you want to do nothing in your free time, binge watch Netflix, or read a book, that is your choice. You don’t need to feel guilty for doing nothing. My guess is you need a rest and want to recharge your batteries. That is a healthy boundary. Just because you have nothing planned doesn’t mean you have to help someone else do something. You can let them know that you already have plans and are not available. They don’t need to know what those plans are. If they push, just say you have an appointment. Realistically this could be an appointment with your couch.

Boundaries with phone

Are you spending too much time on your phone? Is it affecting your relationships? I think most of us are guilty of this. Where can you set boundaries with this? Can it be that you don’t allow phones at the dinner table? Maybe you only spend a certain amount of time on them in the evenings. However you decide is fine. This is often a huge challenge for boundaries in relationships.

Substances

Do you or someone you care about use substances? Often in alcoholic family systems, there are unhealthy boundaries. You may feel like you are ignoring the elephant in the room if someone is using. You dance around the issue and don’t discuss it. Someone is the enabler and that person needs to set some boundaries. If there are no consequences to the person using, why should they change? Often times the person using substances will tell you that you are the problem. If you just left them alone and didn’t say anything, there would be no problem. This is how the person gets you to stop saying anything about it. But stand firm, your happiness and sense of self are at stake.

Boundaries are something we all need to work on. This is all easier said than done as fear may play a part in this. If boundaries are something you want to work on, please give me a call at 713-304-6554.

Take care,

Debbie