Tolerating uncertainty is what most of us do and don’t even realize it. We don’t worry about the nitty-gritty details of something that might or might not happen in the future. We have faith that everything will be OK no matter how it turns out. Sure we like to have a basic plan, but we can leave it at that.

Yet if you are someone who suffers from anxiety, that uncertainty can be crippling. You may play the ‘what if’ game in your mind. There are so many permutations, that you can spend hours ruminating on that thought in your head.

When you aren’t able to tolerate uncertainty, your world can also become very small. If you have fears about what will happen when you drive or fly, it might prevent you from doing these things. The more you avoid those situations, the greater the fear grows.

When I work with people who struggle with anxiety, I ask them if their anxiety helps them to solve the situation. No one has replied yes. This anxiety will rob you of your time and happiness. I also ask if they have control over the situation. If the answer is no then I suggest they tell themselves that they do not have control and to let it go. Of course this is easier said than done.

Realistically there is so much that we do not have control over. We cannot control anyone else. All we have control over is what comes out of our mouth and what our hands and feet do.

I recently read an article in Between Sessions, and they recommend using the APPLES technique for tolerating uncertainty.

APPLES for tolerating uncertainty

Acknowledge

Recognize that this feeling of uncertainty is starting to come into your awareness. Just notice that it is there.

Pause

Do not react to this feeling of uncertainty. Just pause and allow it to be there. You can respond to it without reacting. Put your thoughts on pause and just sit with it and breathe.

Pull Back

Notice that these are just thoughts and feelings. They come and go. These are not facts, and it is the voice of anxiety that is doing the talking. Recognize that the need to control the situation does not help. As a matter of fact, it is impossible to be able to predict exactly what will happen.

Let go

You do not have to hang on this need for certainty, as it is just an illusion and does not exist. We can only control how we behave, not the actions of others, or events that might occur. Thoughts and feelings are like the waves in the ocean. They will peak and can be very strong. Yet eventually they will calm down to shore. Don’t try to fight the wave, just ride it and know you will be OK.

Explore

Be mindful of the current moment. Focus on your breathing. Notice the breath going in and out, in and out. Now pay attention to your 5 senses. Name 5 things that you can see. Pay attention to the sounds. What else can you hear besides your own breathing? Can you hear the heat or AC, the refrigerator or a clock ticking. Are there any smells in the air? Do you taste anything in your mouth? Notice what you are touching. Perhaps you are sitting in a chair, or your legs are crossed. Can you feel the fabric of your shirt on your back?

Practicing mindfulness will keep you in the moment, and not ruminating.

Stand Alone

Refrain from the temptation to rely on others to get through your uncertainty. No one can promise you any form of certainty. This only maintains the anxiety. You don’t want to rely on another person because we can’t guarantee that they will be available when you need them. Just know that you can do this on your own.

Chart your progress for tolerating uncertainty

Know that this will take time. However if you practice this technique and chart your progress you will see that you are improving.

To get started write down the situation, the date, your discomfort level and how long your practiced the APPLES technique.

Choose a situation that triggers your need for certainty. Rate how uncomfortable it makes you feel on a scale of 1-10. Then see how long you can spend tolerating this situation. As time goes by, see if you can tolerate it longer than before. The more you practice, the easier it will get.

Tolerating uncertainty is the only way that you can get through the situation. Another aspect of uncertainty is that people always image the worst-case scenario. What about imagining that the best-case scenario might occur, or that everything will be fine. In reality, how many of the things that you worry about actually happen? Most people will say very few, or none at all. Or people will say that whatever they were worrying about wasn’t as bad as they thought it would be.

I know this is all easier said than done, as we are asking you to face your fears. If tolerating uncertainty is something you struggle with, you are not alone. Anxiety is one of the main reasons people come to therapy. There are many tools that I can teach you to get though this. Please give me a call at 713-304-6554 if this is something I can help you with.

Take care,

Debbie