I’m guessing we all know someone who is a positive thinker. These are the people who have a sunny disposition. They always see the good in whatever is happening. Obviously this type of person draws people to them. It’s human nature to want to feel good. Most of us will feel uplifted around this type of person.

On the flip side, I think we all know those who are typically negative. I recently went to a wedding of a dear friend of my daughters. They have been friends since middle school. I was talking with the bride’s mother who was not a positive thinker. In her eyes the photographer was unorganized. The woman who did her hair did such a bad job that she had to go home and redo it herself. The makeup artist was only 18 and didn’t know what she was doing. She said she looked fat in her dress and ruined all the wedding photos because she tends to close her eyes in the picture. Here we were at one of the happiest days in her life and she couldn’t think of positive things to say.

Well the good news is, people who are negative can learn to become a positive thinker. Barbara Frederickson PhD is known for her “broaden-and-build-theory of positive emotions.” She states that even small interactions in everyday life that are pleasant can help us be more resilient, decrease depression and are good for our overall wellbeing.

If you pay attention, you will start to notice these events. Did someone smile at you, let you cut in traffic, hold the door open for you, or give you a compliment? These are the small interactions that we are talking about. This can help to shift your outlook from a glass half empty to a glass half full.

How to become a positive thinker

Loving kindness meditation

In addition to Frederickson, other psychologists such as Neff and Germer research the importance of self-compassion. If you go on line and put in loving kindness meditation you will find all sorts of meditations that you can listen to. Just start your practice small and over time, you will be able to interrupt your negative thoughts with more neutral or positive thoughts.

Practice gratitude to become a positive thinker

It is hard to be grateful and negative at the same time. Think of something you are grateful for. It can be any small thing. Nothing major. It can even be as simple that you had a hot cup of coffee or tea to start your day. I don’t know about you, but there’s something amazing about the smell of coffee in the morning. The aroma and the taste.

Maybe you are grateful for one of the relationships you have, be it a friend or family member. Perhaps you have an event to look forward to, your home is safe, or you have air-conditioning or heat, depending on the season.

Our health is another thing we can all be grateful for. I’m guessing the times you are sick, you would do anything to be back to your normal self.

Write down your positive emotions

In addition to gratitude, start paying attention to how you feel when you are practicing gratitude. What emotion do you feel? Where do you feel it in your body? How long does it last?

Once we start looking for these little snippets, we will find them. Take time with them and enjoy them, and you will be on your way to being a positive thinker.

Next write them down. You can put them in a journal, you can write it on a sticky note and put it on the wall. Then when you have a bad day, you can look over at your wall filled with positive emotions. However you want to do it. There is no wrong or right way.

Self-acceptance as a positive thinker

This means learning that you are OK warts and all. We all have them and we all have things to work on. Self-acceptance will help you to be more content and happy. Think about what you admire most about the people you love. My guess is that you don’t love them because they are perfect. You love them for who they are-their big heart, humor, compassion, integrity etc. People love you for who you are.

Help others

Whether you volunteer some place or do something kind for someone, it feels good. Doing so helps us forget about ourselves and our problems. In kind, it’s also beneficial to let others help you. You may think that you don’t want to burden them, but remember, letting them help you will make them feel good too. So it’s a win-win.

Cognitive Behavioral therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy looks at the way you think and how it impacts the way you feel. Two people can be in the same room, hear the same thing and interpret them in totally different ways. Some will think negative thoughts and others will think positive or neutral thoughts.

Those who think negatively tend to feel bad, and those who think positively are happier.

There are 10 or 11 different negative thinking patterns (cognitive distortions) out there. I like to teach these to people, so they can be aware of their negative thinking patterns. Then I can teach them how to challenge their negative thinking.

An example

For example if you say to yourself that you are fat, my guess is that you won’t feel very good about yourself. A simple way to say something kinder is to ask yourself what you would say to someone you loved who said the same thing. I doubt that you would say, “Yes, you are fat.” My guess is that you would say something a little kinder, such as, “You look nice in your dress.” Or “If you aren’t happy with your weight is there something I can do to help support you?” So whatever compassion you would show towards them, is what you should say to yourself.

Now obviously you didn’t become a negative thinker overnight, so it won’t change overnight. However, small changes over time will lead to bigger changes over time.

If you engage in negative thinking or are depressed, therapy can help. Give me a call at 713-304-6554 and we can work on tools to improve your mood.

Take care,

Debbie