If you aren’t quite sure of your level of patience, ask yourself these questions. What do you do when your computer crashes, or is slow as molasses? How about when you get cut off in traffic, or someone cuts in line? What do you do if someone is rude or disrespectful? Perhaps you are a very patient person and these things don’t bother you. Others may become impatient or even be filled with rage.
They say patience is a virtue. I couldn’t agree more. It is certainly not my strong point, however it is my husbands. My goal is to be more like him. Hopefully each day I will get a little closer, however, it is something that I will work on for the rest of my life.
So of course when I read an article in the New York Times on it, I thought it would be a perfect blog topic. We can all learn something from this! For instance, did you know there are 3 types of patience?
Three Types of Patience
Relational
Relational patience has to do with how you respond to others when they are angry, upset or being rude.
Life challenges
How do you respond when bad things happen in your life and you feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you? Are you able to find the silver lining in your struggles?
Daily frustrations
This has to do with things that happen on a regular basis such as traffic being slow, or your computer acting up, etc. Can you remain calm?
Luckily, a study in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that patience is a modifiable. Thus, if you struggle with maintaining it, there is hope that it can improve.
Learning Your Triggers
The first step to improving your patience is to find out what triggers you. That is, what sets you off and makes you lose your cool? They say when we react above and beyond what is called for in a situation it is 10% what is going on in the moment and 90% of what has happened in the past.
In these moments you are reacting as if this trigger is actually a danger, and alarm bells are going off in your head. Once you know your triggers, then you have something specific to work on.
Self-talk impacts patience
Typically when our alarm bells go off in a situation that is really not life threatening, it is being fed by self-talk. This is that voice in your head that is there all the time. Listen to what you are saying to yourself. My guess is that it is negative, and it’s fueling the fire.
Cognitive restructuring
When situations are out of our control, we can work on changing our thinking. You might be someone who is more pessimistic, and assume a negative attribution. We try to move our self talk from being negative, to being neutral or positive.
For example, let’s say your computer is going very slow. This is frustrating for all of us. The only difference is how we choose to respond to the situation. We might say something like; “I can’t control how quickly my computer responds, so I’ll do something else while I’m waiting.” Or, “This is the world telling me that I should just breathe, and enjoy the peace and quiet.”
Another common example would be road rage, getting upset if people are speeding past you, or cutting you off in traffic. First ask yourself if there could be a very valid reason that the person is doing so. Perhaps they have an emergency situation. Maybe no one would let them in anywhere else, so they had to drive a little more aggressively.
You can also ask yourself if you have ever done these things. Most people have. We don’t do these things to make people angry. Usually we do them because in the moment we have to for safety reasons.
Check your level of stress
Most of us are less patient when we are under a great deal of stress. Is there something you can do to ease your level of stress?
Do you have too much on your plate? Do you need to work on saying no? Are you practicing self-care? It is important that you do whatever it is that recharges your batteries. For some it is being in nature, walking, exercising or gardening. For others it may be journaling, phoning a friend, being with others, or engaging in a hobby. There are many things people do to recharge.
Self-compassion for patience
Remember, you didn’t get here overnight, so you won’t change overnight. But a small shift can lead to a huge change over time.
Learning self-compassion is a valuable tool. We are all works in progress and have things we need to work on as a human being. Acknowledging our imperfections and what triggers us is imperative to change.
If there is something you struggle with, therapy can help. Please give me a call at 713-304-6554.
Take care,
Debbie
