Let’s face it life is hard. We are thrown curve balls and life doesn’t turn out how we plan. Perhaps you are in a difficult relationship; you lost your job or someone you love. None of us are exempt from life’s difficult emotions. We all deal with them differently. You may handle them well, or you may act in ways that push the people you love away. Some people engage in self-harm. If you struggle with difficult emotions then this blog is for you.
How to Deal With Difficult Emotions
Acceptance
The first step to dealing with difficult emotions is to realize that you are not alone. We all deal with them. Recognize that you have these feelings and you will get through them. You have had challenges in the past that you dealt with and you can deal with whatever is going on right now.
Observe your difficult emotions
Notice what your feelings are. Get curious. Where to do you feel these feelings? Is there an area of tightness somewhere in your body? Perhaps your chest, throat or back. Just pay attention to what is happening in your body.
Label the emotion
Is it fear, sadness, grief or anger? Perhaps it’s a different emotion. Just say the feeling-like this is grief. Rate the emotion on a scale of 1-10. How difficult is this feeling for you. It doesn’t matter what someone else would think or feel, these are your difficult emotions. Our feelings and emotions come from what the world has taught us, and that is different for everyone.
Breathe
Practicing deep breathing when going through a difficult time can be a big game changer and can help you relax. Here are a few common breathing techniques.
Square breathing
Breathe in through your nose for 4, hold for 4; breathe out through your mouth for 4, hold for 4. As you are doing this visualize a different side of the square for each breath. Do this 10 times.
4-7-8 breathing
Breathe in through your nose for 4 counts, hold your breath for 7 seconds, and breathe out through your mouth for 8 counts. Practice this 8 times.
Breathing meditation
There are all sorts of breathing meditations on line. There is a simple 8-minute meditation that I like to do. Set a time for 8 minutes. Just focus on your breathing. Feel the air go into your lungs and out of your lungs. There is no wrong or right way to do this. Just allow whatever comes up to come up.
Expand
Make room for this emotion. Don’t try to get rid of it or push it away. Give it permission to stay where it is. Try to soften into the emotion like putting it in warm water. It is natural to want to push it way, but don’t. Doing so will only make things worse in the long run.
Objectify your difficult emotions
Imagine that this emotion is a physical object. What would it be? Can you describe it so someone else can really understand how the emotion impacts you?
Compassion
Show yourself some compassion. You are struggling right now. Be kind and gentle. What would you say to a loved one who was feeling the same way you did? Imagine the soothing words that you would say to them. Now, say those same soothing words to yourself.
Big picture
Expand your awareness and take a bigger perspective. Remember these difficult emotions are like waves. Sometimes they are strong and knock you to the shore. Other times they push you around a little bit. Then there are the gentle ripples that you are barely aware of. The thing they all have in common is they all eventually calm down and end at the shore.
Seek support for your difficult emotions
If you have tried these things and still need help, reach out and talk to someone you trust. Sometimes it just helps to have someone validate our emotions. Knowing that someone else understands us can be very healing, and help us to unload some baggage. Other times you may want someone to help you come up with solutions. In addition, saying things out loud can help you find a solution on your own.
Therapy
Often time’s therapy is helpful. Maybe you have reached out to your support system and it doesn’t seem to help. Perhaps you don’t feel safe talking about your difficult emotions with your friends and family. Many find it helpful to talk to someone who is not emotionally involved in the situation and is nonjudgmental.
Remember, this is a process and as hard as it might seem, you will get through it. If you are dealing with difficult emotions give me a call at 713-304-6554.
Take care,
Debbie
