For many people the holidays are filled with joy and excitement. Others have mixed feelings about it and some suffer from holiday depression. There are a host of reasons why someone might not enjoy the holidays due to grief, stress or other overwhelming feelings.
You might feel like you have to put on a happy face, even though that is not what you are feeling. This might make you feel even worse. Below are a list of reasons why people suffer from holiday depression, and then a list of things you can do to help (from New Dimensions Day Treatment).
Reasons for holiday depression
Unresolved grief
This is different from regular grief-the process we all move through after the loss of a loved one. With unresolved grief, the person gets stuck in it. It lasts much longer, is more intense and doesn’t lessen with time. It interferes with daily life.
Loneliness
If you recently broke up with a partner, or don’t have a partner you might feel lonelier than usual. You may notice all the couples or friends getting together for the holidays. If you have just moved to a new city, or your friends don’t live nearby, then you might experience holiday depression.
Even if you do have friends and family, you still might feel alone.
Family discord and holiday depression
If your family doesn’t get along, or someone isn’t talking to you, it can be very difficult. I have one client who wonders why she can’t just have a ‘normal family.’ I don’t really know what normal is, as most of us have some sort of dysfunction going on in our family.
Unrealistic expectations
Whether these are self-imposed or the expectations of others, it can be very overwhelming. When we think of all the things we could do, or would like to do for the holidays it is too much. Most of us have to pick and choose our options.
Drug and alcohol use
People tend to drink more over the holidays. Since alcohol is a depressant, it can exacerbate your feelings of depression, or lead you to feel more depressed.
How to ease holiday depression
Set realistic expectations
You do not have to do everything. Work on saying no to all the parties and gatherings. You do not have to send out holiday cards, decorate a tree, or put up lights. Pick and choose what you enjoy the most and let the rest of it go.
Spend less time with toxic people
Are there people in your world that are toxic? Those who ask too much of you, make you feel bad about yourself, or coerce you to do things you don’t want to do? You can limit your exposure to them, or avoid them altogether.
If this person is a friend, make yourself less available to them. Once you start doing this the other person will hopefully get the hint. It is also OK to end the friendship if need be.
It may be a little more challenging if this person is a family member. However, you can set whatever boundaries you like. If they call or text all the time, respond less often. You may even need to have a conversation with them about when or how often you can talk.
If this person is at a holiday gathering, spend more time with other people. Or only engage with that person with a group of people so there is less chance for an unpleasant exchange.
Don’t isolate with holiday depression
It is important to be around friends or family, especially during the holidays. Isolation is the worst thing you can do if you are depressed.
Being with others will give you something to look forward to. Many people who are depressed say they don’t want to go out, yet when they make themselves do so, they have a better time than anticipated.
You don’t have to spend the whole weekend with people, just have 1 or 2 engagements with others.
Give yourself time to grieve
It is OK to be sad. If you just stuff it, it will eventually come out in unhealthy ways. Many people think about loved ones who are no longer alive during the holiday season. Share your grief with others. It can be a friend, family member, or someone else who loved that person too.
Grief is so much easier when shared. Also remember that grief is actually love. If you didn’t love this person and this person loved you back, there would be no grief. So also remember that beautiful relationship that you shared with this person.
Get help for holiday depression
Therapy can be helpful if you are struggling with depression. It helps to have someone to talk to who is not emotionally involved in the situation, as well as teach you tools on how to deal with your depression.
Give me a call at 713-304-6554 and we can get you set up for an appointment.
Take care,
Debbie
