Have you ever experienced a vulnerability hangover? You may wonder what the heck that is. Most people know what it is like to drink too much one-day and feel the nasty after effects for doing so. There are all sorts of remedies to deal with it. However, a vulnerability hangover isn’t as easy to treat.

Brené Brown PhD coined the term ‘vulnerability hangover.’ It occurs when we share too much personal information with someone or a group of people. It leads to a sense of shame, anxiety or regret after sharing something we are not proud of.

We all have a need to connect with others, and being vulnerable is a wonderful way to do so. There can be a delicate balance between wanting to be known and understood, yet not judged. It is important to allow yourself to be vulnerable with a few people you are close with.

Even though you might feel embarrassment after your vulnerability hangover, it doesn’t mean that what you fear will actually be true. You may not be being judged or shamed. Also remember that this uncomfortable feeling will subside as time goes on.

Good can actually come from your vulnerability hangover. Below are some ideas from the New York Times.

Ways to cure your vulnerability hangover

Consider another point of view

Those you share the information with may not be thinking about your disclosure as much as you are. It may be something that goes in one ear and out the other. Or perhaps they are glad you felt comfortable enough to open up and share with them.

The information may only stay in their mind for a short time period. It is just a matter of time before something else is more pertinent to them. Can you really remember a time when someone shared too much with you? Maybe you never felt that way. So your friends may think the same way.

Sharing can help others

The interesting thing about vulnerability is that it makes others feel more comfortable to share. I can’t tell you how may clients struggle with anxiety and depression and how good they feel when they share it with someone else they trust. Often times they will find out that the other person also struggles with something. Because you opened up and made yourself vulnerable, they too now feel safe to do so. Burdens are much easier to carry when you have someone to share it with. We feel less alone and more connected.

It also makes others feel that they can be themselves around you. Since they know you aren’t perfect, they too can be more authentic.

Learn from your mistake

Instead of beating yourself up about it, why not learn from it? Berating your self will just lead to shame. What good does that do? So if you feel embarrassment, acknowledge it, dust yourself off and move forward. We are all going to make mistakes in this world and what we do with those mistakes has a big impact on our mood.

Also remember that the times we grow the most is when we have done something that causes us pain.

How to handle your triggers for a vulnerability hangover

Look at the setting in which you tend to over share. Does it occur when you drink too much? Does it happen with certain people, certain settings or situations? Maybe you have a friend who asks probing questions. If you learn your triggers, you can be more vigilant if need be in the future.

Moving forward are there certain things you only want to share one on one? If you want to talk or share what is going on with you, think ahead of time with whom it is safe to share.

You want it to be someone you feel will hold your information close to their heart and not share with others. Think of the people in your life who tell you other people’s stuff. These people are not safe to share with.

Discuss it with those you know and trust

Is there someone in your life who knows you warts and all? This is the person who doesn’t judge you for your flaws or fears. Discuss your recent vulnerability hangover with that person. Perhaps they can help you take a more realistic viewpoint on what has happened. Maybe it isn’t as bad as you thought.

It is often helpful to talk with someone and process your emotions. Remember you are human. We all want to connect and be accepted for who we are.

Get more information for a vulnerability hangover

Brené Brown is the guru on shame and vulnerability. As a professor from the University of Houston, these topics, along with perfectionism have been the focus of her research. She has written several books, done many TED talks and been on many TV shows and documentaries. If you Google her name you will find all kinds of information on this topic.

If this is something you struggle with, please give me a call at 713-304-6554 and we can help process your emotions.

Take care,

Debbie