I just read a wonderful article in the New York Times about the key to happiness. They said that having a connection with other people was the biggest predictor of happiness. Tips were shared on how to achieve this. No one wishes they had more stuff when they are on their death bed. The only thing that matters is feeling connected to those you love.

The newspaper has even set up a 7-day happiness challenge. Why not try it? It’s a perfect way to start off 2023. It certainly is a fresh way to look at the New Year vs. the typical resolutions. There is nothing wrong with having a New Year’s resolution, and if you have one, go for it! This is just a different perspective. We all want to feel that connection.

According to the article Harvard has studies on how to have a good life. They found that the key to happiness is forming warmer relationships. The good news is, that if your relationships aren’t what you want them to be, you can improve them. It is never too late.

What are your relationship needs?

Are there areas of your social life that could use improvement? If there is something missing, you might take some time to journal to see if you can determine what it is. What is it that fills you up and makes you feel more connected to others? That is a place to start.

We are not just looking at romantic relationships here. It is important to form warmer relationships with friends and in your community. You don’t want to rely on one person for all your relationship needs. No one can do that for you, that’s why it’s important to have friends, mentors and family.

Eulogy for the living for connection

One of the challenges mentioned in the article was to write a “eulogy for the living”, or let the person know how special they are to you. Why wait until someone dies before telling them how much they meant to you? Perhaps someone has been very kind, is always there for you, or went out of their way for you. Maybe there was a special teacher, or someone who believed in you when you didn’t believe in yourself.

A personal experience

I actually did this exercise after writing a blog on gratitude. There is a woman who I went to high school with, Judy. I got to know her a little better as she lived in the same apartment complex as my parents. My parents don’t live in Texas. Since my parents were elderly she would always ask if there was anything they needed. She made sure they had her phone number.

When COVID hit she offered to drop off food for them. One time I couldn’t reach my parents and she went to their apartment to see if they were OK. I sent her a text letting her know how kind and giving she was. I told her she will always hold a special place in my heart for all she did. She told me it was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to her. Not only did it make her day, but it also made mine. It feels good to make others feel good.

Talk to strangers for connection

A second exercise in the happiness challenge is to talk to strangers. This may be well out of your comfort zone, but there are some small things you can try. One is to compliment someone. Is there something you see that you like? Maybe they are wearing something striking. Perhaps you like the way their hair is styled. If you truly look, I’m sure you can find something nice to say to just about anyone.

Conversation starters

The article said a sure fire way to start a conversation with a stranger with a baby or a dog is to say, “What’s it like to be ignored because your baby/dog is so cute?” The author says they have a 100% success rate with that one.

Or come up with a conversation starter of your own. I work with people who have social anxiety. If they have an upcoming party I suggest they write down a few conversation starters. The key is to ask questions so the other person will talk. Most people like to talk about themselves. A great question is, “Where is the most exciting place you have travelled?” Or “Do you have any upcoming travel plans?”

I was visiting a family member in the hospital yesterday. As I walked outside I passed a women. I simply said, “Happy New Year” to her. She smiled and said the same thing back to me. I also noticed she had a smile on her face, and she appeared to be happy to be seen and recognized. Such simple acts can lead to a feeling of connection in our world.

Everyday happiness

Some people falsely think that once they get that job, promotion, relationship, etc. that they will be happy. If you have to go from thing to thing to be happy, you won’t be happy. Happiness lies in our every day life. We just need to see it and cultivate it.

If happiness and connection are things you struggle with, therapy can help. Please give me a call at 713-304-6554.

Take care,

Debbie