Do you have trouble managing difficult emotions? It is OK to admit it. Many people do at some point in their life, others more often. Maybe you’ve tried to calm down and prevent yourself from overreacting and haven’t had much luck. It doesn’t feel good and it can destroy relationships.

No one likes to admit that they overreact at times. They say when someone overreacts above and beyond what is called for it’s 10% of what is going on in the moment and 90% of what has happened in the past. This goes as far back as childhood. You may not have been in the exact situation, but something about the situation takes you back to the past and how you felt in that moment. These past wounds are being triggered, and it sets you off.

If you can understand why you get triggered, you have a better change of improving, as acknowledging that there is a problem is the first step to change. When you overreact you are filling your head with negative thoughts, which are most likely not true in the present moment. You are reacting as if these thoughts are true.

In order to move forward in the process it helps if you can have some self-compassion and learn to accept your thoughts.

According to Between Sessions if you use the RAIN technique it will help you ease up on yourself.

How to use RAIN for difficult emotions

R

This stands for being able to Recognize your thoughts. Put a label on the thought.

A

Allow the thought be there. Make room for it. You may not like the way it feels, but just practice giving it some space. Eventually this thought will go away.

I

Investigate your thought. Do so with kindness. Notice how it feels in your body. Is it stronger in one area of the body than the other? How does it make you feel?

N

Non-identification. You are not this thought. It is not who you are. Eventually this thought will go away. The thought itself might feel bad, but this does not mean that you are bad. You are not your thought.

Using the RAIN technique can help you get through these difficult emotions instead of overreacting. We all have negative thoughts at times and how we respond to them makes a big different.

The more you practice this technique the better at it you will get. After awhile you may only need to go through a few of the steps. I know this is a whole lot easier said than done.

RAIN exercise

Next time you are upset, write down the upsetting thought.

Then write down what you did to decrease the intensity of these emotions. Did you allow it to be there? Did you investigate it? Were you able to realize that you are not your thoughts?

Other tools to use with difficult emotions

Deep breathing

When we get upset our heart rate and breathing rate go up. By doing some deep breathing it will slow down both your breathing rate and heart rate, and you will eventually calm down.

Label it over and over

If you keep labeling your thought over and over again it will eventually lose its intensity. It will begin to sound like a nonsense word.

Time out

If you get overwhelmed in the moment it’s OK to remove yourself from the situation. It’s much better to excuse yourself than to overreact. When you have calmed down you can decide if you need to address the situation.

Grounding for controlling your emotions

Doing so will take you out of your head. The way you do this is to pay attention to your 5 senses. What do you smell? Are you touching anything? If not just notice how the bottoms of your feet feel. Do you have a taste in your mouth? What do you hear? What do you see?

These are just a few ways to practice emotion regulation. I’m sure you have other ways to calm down. Perhaps you use exercise, yoga or meditation to relax. It also helps to think of what you would tell a loved one in the same situation. Most of us can be kind and compassionate to those we love. Try saying to yourself whatever you’d say to your loved one.

It’s important to recognize that this will take time. You didn’t get this way overnight and you won’t change overnight. Be patient with yourself and keep practicing. If emotion regulation is something that you struggle with, therapy can help. Please give me a call at 713-304-6554 and we can come up with a game plan to help recognize your triggers and ease up on yourself.

Take care,

Debbie