Let’s face it; we all have to deal with people who get on our nerves. They may be competitive, bully you, talk nonstop, insult you, or rain on your parade. It may be a co-worker, family member, or someone in your friend group. They show up at family gatherings, friends’ parties or their office might be close to yours. You may wish this person would disappear; yet you still have to deal with them.
Don’t worry you are not alone. Remember, you cannot control how someone behaves. You can only control how you respond. Thus, there are several things you can do to minimize their impact.
Ways to deal with people who get on your nerves
Limit interaction
There is no need to be around this person if you don’t need to be. If you are at a gathering, seek out a different group of people to talk to. If you are talking with a group of people and the annoying person comes over, excuse yourself to go to the restroom. When at family gatherings be sure to sit next to someone else other that the person you want to avoid. There is nothing wrong with being cordial, just don’t stick around if they start bothering you.
Think about why the person gets on your nerves
What is it specifically that you don’t like about this person? Are they too loud? Do they trigger you in some way? Perhaps they are aggressive or talk too much. Sometimes we see things in people that remind of us things we don’t like in our selves. Maybe they remind you of a critical parent. See if you can better understand why they bother you.
Practice empathy
Perhaps the person gets on your nerves because they are interacting in ways that helped them survive their past. Maybe they are critical because their parents are critical, or verbally abusive. Maybe they talk and talk because no one at home listens to them.
Some people talk a lot when they are anxious. The reverse may also be true. Other people struggle with social anxiety, so they don’t maintain eye contact. They may not say anything for fear of being seen as stupid. Also remember that people who are hurting may be abrasive and do things that hurt other people.
Change the topic
If you have to deal with people who like to brag, gossip or become competitive, try to change the topic. Choose something that is positive. Even though you might not like this person, is there something you have in common? Perhaps you have a shared interest, maybe you were from the same hometown. If not, see if there is a more neutral topic to discuss.
Center yourself to deal with people
The best thing you can do to help neutralize your reaction to the other person is to center yourself. What is it that calms you down? Do you like to exercise, do yoga, meditate, take a hot shower, listen to music, or phone a friend? Whatever it is that helps you, do that before you have to deal with people you don’t like. That way you will have more patience and be in the best possible headspace.
Walk away
If someone is just being mean or toxic, you don’t need to stick around and listen to it-even if it’s just the 2 of you. You can also let them know that you don’t appreciate what they are saying, or do not want to talk about it. Or you can say that you need to get some water or use the restroom.
Set boundaries to deal with people
Let the person know what behavior is not OK, based on what is going on. Be sure to start your statement with the word ‘I’ and then state your feelings. Perhaps the person doesn’t know what they are doing is offensive. Once you let them know how you feel, hopefully they will change their behavior. If they don’t, then you may just have to do your best at avoiding the person.
Seek out support
You can also let a trusted friend know that you don’t care for a certain person or struggle with them. They may be able to help you find a solution. I used to have a neighbor who talked nonstop. I told my husband that if he saw me outside talking to her to ask me to come inside. You could ask a friend to come join the conversation if they see you talking to the person. Someone else who knows both of you may have an idea on how best to handle this person.
If you continue to have difficulty with people who get on your nerves, therapy can help. Give me a call at 713-304-6554.
Take care,
Debbie
