Have you taken stock of your relationship lately? Do you feel that the two of you emotionally connect?  Or do you feel that you are just coasting with your partner? Perhaps your relationship has lost its spark. If so, don’t worry; there are many things you can do to get that spark back.

Honeymoon phase

When we first get into a new relationship we are gaga over our partner. We think about the person day and night. You may feel that you are floating on air. Life doesn’t get much better than that. Then one day you realize that your significant other is human just like the rest of us. Perhaps that pedestal you have put them on isn’t so high anymore.

Do not worry. This is totally normal. That honeymoon phase that I was talking about is ending and it happens to all of us. This phase typically lasts 6 months-2 years.

Day to day life

Another factor that moves us away from the honeymoon phase is day to day life. It’s so easy to get caught up in what have going on with our work, family and friends.

Then throw in our cell phones and social media usage. It’s so easy to get sucked into the internet and before we know it time has flown by.

It’s so easy to lose connection with your significant other. Nobody tells you that you have to work on your relationship on a day to day basis. We can’t expect our partner to be there for us if we aren’t nurturing our relationship.

Ways to emotionally connect

Spend time together in the evening

What do you do with your evenings? Are you doing things with your partner, or doing things on your own? What is it that the 2 of you like to do together? Do you like to play cards, board games, or video games? Maybe there is a TV show or series you enjoy. Why not go for a walk or a bike ride? Spending set time together will help you emotionally connect.

Relationship check in

Why not set a time each week or month to check in on your relationship. An example of this would be asking each other how you are feeling in the relationship. Are you feeling that you are emotionally connecting? Or perhaps you are feeling hurt, ignored or frustrated. If either person is struggling with something, now is the time to discuss it.

Set boundaries with cell phones/laptops

Social media is probably the biggest thing that gets in the way of emotionally connecting. We all lose track of time as we are looking through our phones. It’s also easy for your partner to see you on your phone, assume you are busy (even if you are only killing time) and go off and do something else. Then before you know it, the evening is gone.

Why not pick 1 hour each evening where you will put your cell phones away? It would be interesting to see how it impacts your relationship.

Dinnertime

What does mealtime look like in your home? Do you eat separately? Are you in front of the TV? When I ask couples this question I am surprised how fragmented meal times can be.

It is important that you eat together. This is such a major time where we can emotionally connect with our partner. Put away the cell phone or any reading material, and turn off the TV. This is the one time of day where we come together as a couple or a family. Enjoy each other’s company and tell each other about your day.

Talk time to emotionally connect

Remember when you first started dating and you talked for hours on end? Obviously that decreases over time. However, it’s important for your emotional connection to spend uninterrupted time together. So put away the TV, phones, or any other distractions and talk.

Set a timer for 20 minutes. You’d be surprised how much you can connect in only 20 minutes. On the flip side, it might feel a little awkward if you haven’t had uninterrupted time. That is OK. Keep doing it and it will become second nature.

One minute hug

This may sound silly, but there is actually science behind this. Set a timer for one minute and hug each other. Really lean into each other’s bodies while you are doing this. When we have close contact as in the one-minute hug, oxytocin is released, which is our bonding hormone. It’s amazing what one-minute can do to improve your emotional connection.

One thing I love or appreciate about you

We have this notion of an emotional bank account. When we do or say something nice, it serves as a deposit. When we fight or are negative, it is a withdrawal. They say that in healthy relationships that there are 5 deposits for every withdrawal. To make a deposit, you and your partner can each tell each other one thing you love or appreciate about each other. It’s nice to hear kind and loving words.

Date night to emotionally connect

When is the last time the 2 of you went out and enjoyed yourself? It’s so easy to get caught up in life, especially if you have kids. It is important to connect as partners. If you don’t nurture your relationship, it won’t be there down the road. Going out and spending time together will help.

These are things we talk about in couples counseling. Hopefully you will incorporate some of things into yours, as we call all improve our relationships. If you are struggling with your significant other, therapy can help. Give me a call at 713-304-6554 and we can get your relationship back on track.

Take care,

Debbie