Some people feel a sense of angst or anxiety due to their lack of control over certain situations or people. Yet, life is full of uncertainty and there are so many experiences that we cannot control. The funny thing about control is the more you try to hang on to it, the more it slips away. Luckily there are things we can do when we are challenged with life’s uncertainties. In this blog we will discuss what we can control, what we cannot control, and how to deal with uncertainty.

What we can control

Attitude

We can control our perspective and views towards life and others. We will all be met with challenging times. How we respond to these setbacks makes all the difference. Often times life’s obstacles turn into opportunities for growth and resilience.

Productivity

How we spend our time whether at work or leisure is entirely within our power. This is how we grow and progress.

Self-improvement

The actions we take for personal growth is in our grasp. We can learn new skills or expand our horizons in whatever way we choose.

Health

How we maintain our physical, mental and spiritual health is all on us. Only we can decide what we will eat, if we will exercise, and how we reduce stress.

Relationships

It is our choice how we spend time with others and relationships that we want to grow. The way we invest in meaningful and important relationships will impact our lives.

Boundaries

Only we can decide what boundaries are acceptable. Boundaries are to protect you, not make other people happy. You get to decide how you will spend time and whom you will allow in your inner circle, and what behaviors are acceptable.

Being able to handle and embrace the aspects of life that we can control will give us a sense of empowerment.

What we cannot control

External circumstances

Obviously we can’t control what happens in world events or natural disasters. This happens on a daily basis.

Other people’s behaviors

We cannot control the behavior of anyone else, only our own. If you try to control someone you will only push him or her away. Then ironically, you have even less control. Life has taught us all different lessons, and these lessons have a big impact on the way we behave.

The past

What we have done, or others have done in the past cannot be undone. Staying stuck in the past is a recipe for misery. We need to learn from mistakes or indiscretions and move forward.

Opinions of others

I can’t tell you how many clients I work with who are worried about what others think or feel. They make up all kinds of disaster scenarios in their heads. Could it be possible that someone was thinking something positive about you? The only way we know what the other person is thinking is to ask.

Future

We have no control what events will occur in the future, or how others will behave. Life is full of uncertainty. I’m sure you have made plans, only for them to fall through due to some unexpected occurrence.

Aging

As much as we all like to look young (except for those who are young), we will all age. We will get wrinkles and our skin will start to sag. Of course people try to do things to slow or lessen these effects. Yet eventually they will no longer work. Learning to embrace your wrinkles and gray hairs will help you with your inner peace.

How to let go of control

If you are trying to control things that you have no control over, there are some things you can do that might be helpful. These are easier said than done, but over time, it will get easier.

Ask yourself if you have control over the situation

Perhaps you are trying to control a situation or person. You keep going around in circles and ruminating about the situation. If this is the case, ask yourself, “Do I have control over this situation?” If the answer is no, then tell yourself to let go of it.

Yell Stop if you have no control

This might sound silly, but some people find this very helpful. Again if you are going over and over in your mind how you might control an uncontrollable situation, imagine a big red stop sign. Then yell STOP. This might help you get out of your head.

Practice mindfulness

This is another great tool for getting changing your mindset. To do this, focus on your five senses. This can be done in the room you are in, or outside. What do you see? Look at these things. Are there any smells? Perhaps something is cooking, or there are flowers nearby. Can you hear anything? Are there birds, or babbling water? If you are inside, it just might be the hum of the dishwasher or air-conditioning. What do you taste? Perhaps you just drank or ate something. What do you feel? Can you feel the breeze? Maybe it’s just the fabric of the chair you are in, or you can feel the weight of one leg crossed over the other.

Exercise

Sometimes just going for a walk can get you out of your head. If you like to do more vigorous exercise, then do that. In addition, just a change in scenery can help.

Support for letting go of control

Reach out to a friend or family member who is a good listener and whose opinion you value. If letting go of control is something you struggle with on a regular basis, therapy can help. Give me a call at 713-304-6554 and I can teach you tools on how to better deal with life’s uncertainties.

Take care,

Debbie