Wise Mind

Have you ever noticed that you have an emotional mind and a logical mind? Many of us recognize this. There is also a concept called wise mind. Before we get into this concept, let me give you a little background information.

Emotional mind vs. rational mind

At times our emotions get the better of us. Our feelings are hurt. We can only see one side of things. Perhaps we want to cry, or lash out. Then after some time we are able to look at things more rationally, which tends to soothe the emotional side of us. However at times it is very difficult to see the logical side of things. I’ve even heard clients say, logically, I know this. Yet I can’t help but feel this way.

There is a reason that we have these two minds, as we have essentially two parts of our brain, in addition to where our instincts lie. We have a part of our brain called the limbic system, which essentially is our emotional brain. This is where emotions, and memories are stored. It is not logical. It jumps to conclusions, is impulsive, and can distort what is really going on. Then as human beings we have the outer cortex, the area of our brain that leads us to think and reason. Our rational mind is able to clearly assess the situation, and sit with the frustrations or complexity of the situation.

How to use wise mind

Realistically, the various parts of our brain interconnect, so they don’t act independently. When we are using our wise mind, we are accessing both our emotional and logical minds. These two parts of our brain can seem like they are at war with each other. However, there is a way to reconcile, or have access to these two minds, by a term coined by Marcia Linehan, PhD; wise mind. When using wise mind you are able to recognize the gray, vs. thinking in black and white. You might wonder how the heck you do this, as we are talking about something that is easier said than done. Perhaps many years have gone by with your emotional brain running amok and causing chaos. Like any new skill this will take time to develop. The more you practice the better you will be at it.

Wise mind exercise

I found a great exercise on how to use wise mind in one of my favorite online resources, Between Sessions.

First ask yourself, which mind is easier to access? Is there one that tends to operate more strongly than the other? How would you describe these two aspects of yourself? My guess is you wouldn’t be reading this article if you felt that your rational mind was in control the way you want it to be.

Second, think of a time where your logical mind took over. It prevented you from doing something impulsive, or something that would not be beneficial for the situation. You were able to calm yourself down, or talk yourself off the ledge.

Third, think of a time where your emotional brain took over. You jumped to some kind of conclusion and were upset. Maybe you did something to hurt yourself or someone else. Or perhaps you keep living something upsetting over and over again. Your rational mind or voice was not strong enough.

Next, close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths and give yourself some time to feel relaxed and at peace. You may even want to do a relaxation technique such as a breathing meditation or progressive muscle relaxation (tensing and relaxing the muscles from head to toe).

Finally as you feel yourself relax, think of the time you mentioned above where your emotional mind was in control over your logical mind. Feel in your body where you feel these emotions. Fully feeling the feelings. Whatever is coming up for you, it is important that you don’t judge it.

Accepting your feelings

I’ve heard people say that they shouldn’t feel a certain way. Feelings are not right or wrong-they just are. So learning to accept that you are human like the rest of us, wired to feel all the feelings out there. That includes, the good, the bad and the ugly. While you are aware of your feelings, see if you can bring some compassion to what you were going through. Maybe ask yourself what you would tell a friend or loved one in that situation. Is there a way you could have better handled the situation? Is there something you’d do differently if you were in the same situation in the future? What would your logical mind say now? Can you come up with a more reasonable way to handle the situation? Perhaps take some time and write down what came up for you.

Practice makes perfect

As you practice this exercise on a regular basis, you are training your logical mind to get stronger. We want you to be able to help yourself calm down and think more reasonably and logically. Like any new skill, the more your practice the better you will become. Writing things down is a powerful learning tool. The hope is eventually you will be able to calm yourself down sooner, and then get to a place where your rational mind is able to be stronger than the emotional mind. This will keep you more content and safe.

If this is something you struggle with, please give me a call at 713-304-6554 and we can help you to ease your difficult emotions.

Take care,

Debbie Grammas