I think all of us are saddened and disgusted by this past week’s mass shooting. My heart breaks for the families who have lost their precious children, as well as what these events do to the fabric of our country.
The purpose of today’s blog isn’t to place blame, offer suggestions on how to fix the problem, or take sides on either end of the gun control debate. As a therapist, I see my role as someone who helps others deal with the aftermath of a mass shooting.
Your might be feeling a number of different emotions such as fear, anxiety, depression, helplessness or anger. Many people don’t know what to do with all of this. Below are some resources on how best to handle these.
The information below comes from the Texas Psychological Associations website.
Talking to children about mass shooting
This event has been all over the news and social media. Your children have most likely heard about it (unless your child is very young and not in school or they haven’t seen you watching TV or online). Not talking about it only makes things worse. It is important that you open the doors of communication so your child can share their thoughts, feelings and fears.
Start by asking your child what they know and have heard about the event. If they have information that is not correct, then fill them in on the truth. Be gentle on how you respond, as you want them to feel safe talking about it.
As they ask questions, be honest in how you answer them. They might have concerns that something can happen to someone they love. You can remind them of any safety plans you have as a family. Let them know about the support the victims of the families are receiving.
Also be sure to limit your child’s social media content. No one needs to hear the minute-by-minute unfolding stories. In addition, the images can be very disturbing. Be careful of what you are watching too as your children can see your reaction.
Relating to a traumatic event by age
Young children and those in preschool
This age group may have a difficult time understanding what is going on. They may worry about feeling safe. It is hard for them to verbalize what they are feeling.
Due to this anxiety, they may back slide on some of their developmental skills, such as sleep, using the toilet or speech. They may focus on the traumatic event while playing.
As a parent, you can be there to support them, reassure them and do everything in your power to make them feel safe. Allow them to talk about their feelings to the best of their ability. Provide consistent care-taking so they will know that you are there for them.
Older children
Their developmental tasks may also be impacted as well. Their teachers may be the ones to let you know that they are having difficulty concentrating or learning. They might see the school nurse more often due to headaches or stomachaches. Others may act out in school, or become more aggressive.
This age group also needs to be able to express all their feelings, whether it is fear, anger, or sadness and feel the support of their family. Remind them that whatever emotions they have, they are normal.
It is also important to share with their teachers if they are struggling as it may impact their schoolwork.
Adolescents
This age group may be more self-conscious of their emotions. They may feel uncomfortable with them or feel vulnerable or feel they aren’t normal. They may experience feelings of guilt or shame regarding the event, or want to seek revenge. Their feelings about safety and worldview may be changed greatly. Some might become self destructive or reckless.
It is important that members of this age group who have experienced a trauma should talk about what has happened along with their feelings. Caregivers can talk about ways to prevent future events such as a mass shooting. It can also impact relationships with others. It is important to give them an outlet for their anger. If they want to get revenge, it is important to calmly discuss the consequences, and healthy ways of dealing with this emotion.
Coping with violence (adults)
Whether you were directly impacted by the mass shooting, know someone who is, or a member of the community reading about the events, it will be hard to understand why these things happen. We all will have some uncomfortable emotions going through the process. Over time, most people will be able to go back to their normal routine.
These events can impact your feelings of safety, especially if you live near the event or have close friends or relatives who were harmed. Find out what is happening to increase your sense of safety, either in the community or personally. Is there some place where your voice can be heard, or is there some way you can further advocate for safety?
Some people experience some of the following feelings after a trauma
Difficulty with sleep
You might have trouble staying asleep, falling asleep or not feeling rested when you wake up. You might have nightmares.
Trouble with concentration
You might find it hard to stay on task, or pay attention. You might feel as if you are in a fog
Fear that another mass shooting will occur
This may also lead to feelings of fear, anger, or confusion
Sense of isolation
You may feel that you can’t relate to others, or feel a sense of numbness
Recurring thoughts and images of the trauma
You might not be able to get them out of your head
Symptoms of anxiety/panic
Your heart might be racing; you might have stomachaches or headaches, or a decrease in appetite
Hyper vigilant
A person might be hyper aware, easily startled, or jumpy. You may also feel that you have to be on guard for fear that something will happen.
People might also realize that they worry about family and loved ones more intensely.
It helps to have someone to talk about all these mixed emotions with the mass shooting. If you are a victim of any trauma or are struggling with these recent events, therapy can help. Please give me a call at 713-304-6554 and we can process your emotions and help you make sense of them.
Take care,
Debbie
