Since Father’s Day is next Sunday, it seems that talking about dads would be the perfect topic. However, this week’s blog will be a little different. I typically don’t blog from a personal perspective, but I’m human too. Interestingly, one thing I recommend to many clients when they are struggling is simply to write about their feelings. So I’m going to follow my own advice. My hope is that as I write this blog, I will be processing and taking care of my own mental health.
Losing my dad
You might ask why now? Well, it’s because I lost my father in January of this year. He was just shy of his 92nd birthday. Dad got Covid even though he had his vaccines and boosters. He ended up getting pneumonia while in the hospital and passing away. It was a very difficult time. So, sharing my thoughts and feelings will be part of my own grief journey.
Many wonderful qualities
Support
What can I say about my dad? To start with, he was an amazing man. He was there to support all 3 of us kids in the best way he knew how. In junior high and high school I swam on the synchronized swimming team. When we did our swim shows he was always in the audience taking pictures. My parents joked around saying that dad saw the swim shows through the lens of the camera.
He was there to help me with my math homework in high school. Of course like any kid I told him that he wasn’t doing it the way the teachers were (which of course in my mind was the right way). Eventually I would catch on, because he was right.
Dad and mom came to visit me in college and would be there for parent’s weekend and sorority events. For one of these events, the fathers were to speak about their daughters who were graduating. He wrote me a lovely poem that I treasure to this day.
High expectations
He had high expectations and hopes for us kids. If it weren’t for him, I never would have obtained my PhD. My plan was to get a masters degree and start a private practice. When I was almost done with my master’s dad asked me if I was going to get my PhD. I said dad, “We have 2 kids about college age, I can’t spend the money on me, we need it for them.”
He told me that if I applied and got in, he’d pay for half of my education. Well, how could I turn down an offer like that? Obviously, I got in and here I am. I think that is the greatest gift dad ever gave me. He believed in me more than I believed in myself. I had no idea if I could do it. But the rest is history. Thank you dad!!
Good listener
Dad wasn’t one to tell you what to do. He’d listen, and then ask you questions to help you to decide what was best for you. He was an oral surgeon in private practice and taught at the dental school. When I got my PhD 12 years ago and started my own private practice and taught, he was the perfect person to discuss the challenges that I had. His words of wisdom were spot on.
A family tradition
As he aged he started his Bonsai tree collection. He had all these beautiful little trees. As a matter of fact, when I got married 37 years ago, dad took a sprig of ivy from my wedding bouquet and made a bonsai out of it. Over the years he made other trees with the clippings. To this day, I still have some of that ivy. As a matter of fact, each of my daughters also each had a sprig of that ivy in their wedding bouquets. So a piece of dad is still with us today.
This will be my first Father’s Day without my dad. It feels weird and painful not to be getting him a card this year. Since dad passed, we moved mom down here and she is living in an independent senior living apartment. It is a beautiful gift that I have this time with mom. Interestingly there is another family event going on, and my brother from California will also be in town this Father’s Day. It will be nice to be with family to honor the man we all love and respect.
I loved my father dearly and I miss him more than ever, especially since Father’s Day is right around the corner. This one will most likely be the most difficult without him. If you have your father, I hope you can treasure him and appreciate the time you have with him.
I wish you all a Happy Father’s Day, whether it means you are honored or you are honoring someone else. If your family relationships are not good, and you are struggling in this area, therapy can help. Please give me a call at 713-304-6554.
Take care,
Debbie
