We all want to be our best selves. It’s part of our human nature. Yet we do things that get in the way of what we want, whether it is in the work place or our relationships. None of us would engage in these unhealthy habits on purpose, yet we all have blind spots.

Recognizing that you are putting up roadblocks is the first step to change. Perhaps you grew up in a dysfunctional family, so you don’t know the tools to get your needs met. Or you learned unhealthy habits to survive a toxic environment. These behaviors that once kept you safe may now be dysfunctional.

Below are some common unhealthy habits

Spending too much time on your phone

Many of us are guilty of this. We all know how easy it is to get pulled into our social media accounts. Hours may be wasted doing this. I know it takes me away from reading books or fully engaging with others.

I can’t tell you how many couples I work with who struggle with connection in their relationship as one person is on the phone. One person sees their partner on the phone and then does the same thing. Before you know it, they have missed all that time to connect.

Lack of self-care

What do they say when you get on an airplane? Perhaps you’ve heard it so many times you ignore it. They say to put on your oxygen mask before you put it on your loved one. Obviously if you pass out, you won’t be able to help anyone else.

Life is the same way. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of others.

Some people are so used to people pleasing that they confuse self-care with selfishness. There is nothing wrong with recharging your batteries, relaxing or pampering yourself.

Time with negative people is an unhealthy habit

Do some people rain on your parade? These are the people who don’t make you feel good about yourself, or are emotionally draining. Pay attention to how you feel when you are with them. Do they lift you up or bring you down? Listen to your gut.

If you notice someone brings you down, set some boundaries and let them know how you feel. They may not have been aware of their behavior and want to change. If they aren’t interested or minimize your feelings, then it would be wise to spend little or no time with them.

Comparing your self to others

If you do this you will always come up short. People tend to compare themselves to people who are more successful or attractive than them. What you look for, you will find. I always tell people that if you are going to play the comparison game, then you need to look at people less attractive or successful than you. This is more reality based.

Waiting for perfection

If you do this, you will never do what you set out to do. There is never a perfect time for anything. You will always move the carrot and find a reason why now is not a good time. I have had clients say things such as, “I can’t date until I lose weight.” Realistically you may or may not lose weight. If you don’t then does that mean you won’t ever date? There is someone out there for everyone. Someone will find you beautiful for who you are.

Some people want to wait for the perfect time to bring up a difficult conversation. Again, this won’t happen on its own. You need to set the stage to have the conversation.

Lack of goals is an unhealthy habit

How can you get to where you are going if you don’t know where that is? Is there a specific career you want to strive for? Maybe you want a new job, to improve your relationship or learn a new sport. There are all sorts of things you can strive for. None of us will grow if we stay in our comfort zone.

Once you have a goal to strive for, be sure to set specific small tasks (with a time line) to help you get to your final goal. This will make it less daunting.

Fear of failure

If you set that goal, you might not be successful. That is OK. Perhaps it will take longer to achieve, or perhaps you need to revise something. At least it will keep you moving forward. Remember a goal is something you do to stretch yourself.

Don’t let anyone bring you down. You can be successful and shed these unhealthy habits. Find people who support you and will help you achieve your dreams. I have faith in you.

If you are struggling with unhealthy behaviors, therapy can help. Please give me a call at 713-304-6554.

Take care,

Debbie