Do you need to improve self-esteem? Do you feel fairly good about yourself, and okay recognizing your strengths as well as weaknesses? If so, you have a healthy sense of self-esteem. This is so important as you will enter into either healthy or unhealthy relationships based on this. It also allows you to achieve your goals vs. hold your back.

Some people may appear to have a sense of healthy self-esteem, yet are actually self-centered or somewhat narcissistic. As a result, they will get what they want, no matter who gets in their way. They will harm others to achieve their own goals.

Others have poor self-esteem and feel like they are losers, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not thin enough or not good enough. This may have developed from your family of origin, or with peers. Regardless of how it developed, it doesn’t feel good, and it is important to improve self-esteem.

The good news is whether it is somewhat positive or negative, there are things you can do to improve self-esteem.

10 tips to improve self-esteem

Speak up

Having a voice will improve self-esteem. Some people are afraid to speak up about their preferences, let someone know if they hurt their feelings, or don’t agree with them. This can be as simple as saying you’d like to eat Italian food if someone asks you what you’d like for dinner, vs. saying that you don’t care. If it is something you feel strongly about, say something. Not everyone will have the same opinion and it’s okay to have a different point of view. This certainly doesn’t mean that anyone has to agree with you to improve your self-esteem, it just means saying what you’d like.

Take small risks

Let’s start out with something small so you can experience some success. Have you wanted to try a different style of clothing, different hair cut or try a new activity? What is it that you’d like to do, but are afraid, or don’t think you’d be good at? You don’t know until you try. I’m certainly not going to guarantee you will be successful. However, you will feel better about yourself if you just try, vs. wonder if you can or can’t.

Quit your stinking thinking

My guess is that you are your own worst critic. You probably would never say the things to your friends that you say to yourself. Stop calling yourself names. Changing this is a lot easier said than done. You didn’t get here overnight, so you won’t change overnight. The first step is being aware of your own inner critic. Some people find it helpful to talk back to the critic in a positive voice. Perhaps imagine an angel and a devil on your shoulder. The devil is your inner critic, what would the angel say back to the devil. This is the positive voice you want to strengthen.

Spend less time with toxic people

Are there some toxic people in your life? You know who these people are. They say negative things about you or make you feel bad. Perhaps they push you to do things that you don’t want to do. At best, eliminate these people from your life. At a minimum spend less time with them. It becomes extra challenging if these people are family members.

Set healthy boundaries

Learn to say no. You don’t have to say yes to the things you don’t want to do, or don’t have time to do. People who are healthy will respect your boundaries. If they get angry with you or no longer want to be your friend because you did say no, then perhaps they fall into the toxic friendship group mentioned above. Remember, you will never make everyone happy. Doing things you don’t want to do only leads to resentment and poor self-esteem.

Decrease use of social media

Comparing yourself to others will never make you feel good. There is also this impression that others are doing more than you or are having more fun than you. Most people only post the best of the best in their life. They don’t post when they are having a bad hair day or aren’t having fun. Also, if you are being bullied on-line then disconnect from it. You don’t need to subject yourself to cruelty.

Practice self-kindness

This may seem like a new concept. Think about it. What would it be like if you were to treat yourself as kindly as those you love, or are your closest friends? First, think of how you’d respond to a friend who was down or having a rough time. Second, what would you say to them if they were going through what you are struggling with? Third, use those same words of kindness, compassion and encouragement for yourself.

Know yourself

Have you been so busy meeting other people’s needs or blending into the woodwork that you don’t even know who you are anymore? This is what happens when you don’t speak up. Take time alone, just sit and be. Think about who you are, what you like, and what you want to do with yourself. Again, this takes time, and may be something you want to do with the help of a therapist.

Work on changing a bad habit

Is there something you do that you know isn’t healthy for you, or even harmful? I think we all have something that fits into that category. Try to work on one of those habits. Set realistic goals and take it one step at a time. This is something that makes most of us feel better about ourselves.

Practice Gratitude

It’s very difficult to feel bad about yourself when you are practicing gratitude. What are you grateful for? These aren’t just the big things in life, but also about the many small things. Perhaps it’s a beautiful sunny day-and not too hot for those in Houston. Maybe someone held the door open for you, or let you in while in traffic. We can be grateful that we have people who love us, or have a dear close friend. Some people keep a gratitude journal and write a few things each day in that journal. That may help you too.

If this is something you struggle with and want to improve self-esteem, give me a call a 713-304-6554 and we can start working on it.

Take care,

Debbie