Many people come to see me due to problems that arise from lack of boundaries in relationships. It leads to a lot of dysfunction.

Boundaries keep us safe. They protect our physical and emotional boundaries. There are many areas that it is important to keep them. You may not realize how many boundaries you set on a regular basis, that is if you are healthy. If you don’t set healthy boundaries, you may become angry, resentful or depressed.

Places where people often have difficulty setting boundaries:

  • In romantic relationships. It is important for your partner to know what behaviors are okay and which ones aren’t. Does your partner treat you with respect? We teach people how to treat us, so if you let certain behaviors slide, you may become unhappy in the relationship. We all deserve to be treated with respect, so that means no name-calling. Does your partner respect your sexual boundaries? You should never do anything sexually that you are uncomfortable with. If your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries, then it’s time to find a new partner. Anyone who is healthy them self will respect your boundaries.
  • In relationships with family. Do your family members treat you the way you want? If not, you may need to speak up about it. Family patterns can be hard to break, and if people do not realize that something hurts your feelings, or you are being treated unfairly, they will not change. If you ask for change and people continue with their hurtful patterns, you may need to limit contact with some of them.
  • With substances. Is someone you love using substances? This can be a very difficult place to set boundaries especially if it involves alcohol, and your partner has a problem with it. Perhaps you can drink just fine, but your partner can’t. You don’t want to give up drinking, but your partner may need to, and this can put you in a bind. You do everything you can to prevent them from drinking too much, or you let behaviors slide that aren’t okay, yet you don’t know what to do about it.
  • With friendships. Do your friends respect your boundaries? Or do they coerce you into doing things you don’t really want to do? Do you find yourself getting into trouble with certain friends? If so, they aren’t healthy relationships. Do your friends treat you respect and respect your boundaries? If so, they are healthy.
  • Learning to say No. Some people have such a hard time doing this. They become burnt out because they do everything for everyone else, and then have no time for themselves. They become resentful, angry or depressed. Perhaps they fear that people will no longer like them if they say No. Your friends should like you whether you say No or not. We all have limits and can’t do everything. Trust me, once you start saying No, it will get easier and easier.

If you have difficulty setting boundaries, you may benefit from therapy. Give me a call at 713-304-6554.

Take care,

Debbie