Unwanted thoughts are something that people with anxiety struggle. However, anxiety takes on many forms. Some people with anxiety ruminate. This is the person who keeps thinking the same thought over and over again, or going down the, “what if” path. It’s like a never-ending do-loop that takes up a lot of time and mental energy. Other people agonize over every little decision for fear that they will make the wrong one. It can be paralyzing. There are those who catastrophize and imagine all the worst-case scenarios. Most people will say these unwanted thoughts are exhausting.

If you don’t struggle with anxiety, it’s easy to say, “Just don’t think about it.” By telling ourselves not to think about it, we are thinking about it. There is a famous experiment about a white bear. Participants were told not to think of the white bear. But, they found that part of our brains want to check in to be sure we aren’t thinking of the white bear, which ironically makes us think of the white bear.

Much of anxiety is about trying to gain control over our environment. When you think about it, can you really control your environment? There are so many moving parts to life beside us. Realistically all we have control over it what comes out of our mouth and what our hands and feet do. The rest of the world is out of our control. Our lives are filled with uncertainty and part of the process is learning to be comfortable with that.

This anxiety robs you of any joy in the present moment.

Tools to deal with unwanted thoughts

Mindfulness

Because unwanted thoughts prevent you from enjoying the present moment, mindfulness is a great tool to use. You can do this wherever you are, sitting or standing, whether it is indoors or outdoors. We are going to focus on the 5 senses.

A mindfulness example

First pay attention to what you see. Notice the textures and colors around you. Are they bright or dull? Is the sun shining or the lights on? Second, notice what you hear. Close your eyes and just listen to the sounds. Are there people talking, music playing, birds singing, or trees rustling? Maybe you are indoors and you hear a clock or air-conditioning unit. Third, what do you smell? Was the grass just mowed, can you smell food, or sea air? Fourth, can you taste anything? Did you have any food or drink that is still lingering? Finally pay attention to touch. What are you touching? Can you feel the weight of your body on a chair? Notice that you can feel the glasses on your face, the shirt on your back, etc. If you are mindful and in the moment, there are so many things to be aware of. This will help you get out of your head and into the moment.

Letting go of unwanted thoughts

For some people it helps to write an unwanted thought on a piece of paper, crumble it up, and then throw it in the trash can. It’s a visual reminder that the thought is trash. If you start thinking about it, remind yourself that you threw it out, and it is no longer necessary to think about.

Worry time

For some people it helps to set up a specific time to worry. For example, let’s say you pick from 7-7:30 every evening as worry time. Then instead of worrying all day, you have set up a specific time. If that thought starts to creep up any other time, remind yourself that it isn’t yet time to worry and you will do so at 7 pm.

What would you say to a friend?

Imagine that a close friend or someone you loved was worrying or ruminating about a thought. What would you say to that person? Would you tell them they should continue to keep thinking the same thought over and over? Or would you be compassionate and attempt to soothe that person? Next, tell yourself the same compassionate thoughts.

Where is the proof the unwanted thoughts are true?

This is like doing a science experiment in your own head. First, where is the proof that this thought will become a reality? Second, ask yourself how often the thing you fear has actually happened? Most of the things people worry about never occur. Finally, when you start looking at the probability of the fear actually happening, it will likely be very low.

Distraction

This is a simple tool to get out of your head. Go in a different room, go outside, take a hot or cold shower, or listen to some upbeat or loud music. Engage in your hobbies. Do you play a musical instrument, swim, run, so do some sort of crafts? Perhaps you can call a friend or family member. These are simple tools to get in a different headspace.

If you struggle with any type of unwanted thoughts, therapy can help.

Give me a call at 713-304-6554.

Take care,

Debbie