Imposter syndrome

Do you ever feel like you aren’t as smart as people think you are? Maybe you don’t think you are deserving of your title, or respect that it brings. Perhaps you feel that you will be found out because you don’t feel like you know what you are doing. Do you feel like a fraud or you can’t live up to your expectations? If so you might have imposter syndrome.

Imposter syndrome is a term that was coined in the 1970s by two psychologists, Suzanne Imes and Pauline Rose Clance This usually occurs with perfectionist or high functioning people, who have trouble internalizing their achievements. They downplay their success and think it may be due to luck, vs. their skill set. Another common symptom is to think others in your field know so much more than you do.

It can also lead to feelings of anxiety or depression. Many are afraid to discuss it with other people. Perhaps it’s because they fear that it will prove that they are a fraud.

Five patterns of imposter syndrome (Valerie Young Ed.D)

Perfectionists

These people have unrealistic expectations of themselves. If they aren’t 100% successful they are a failures. They will beat them self up over any small mistake.

Experts

Experts feel like they have to know everything on the topic. They will over prepare so they can answer all the questions. Typically they avoid asking any questions for fear of looking stupid.

Natural genius

This person feels stupid if they have challenges on a job. Because they typically do well and breeze through things they feel that if something stumps them they aren’t good enough.

Soloists

Soloists feel that they have to do everything on their own. They don’t want to ask for help, because to do so would make them feel like a failure.

Supermen/women

These men and women have to work harder than anyone else, and excel at everything. If they don’t they fear that they will be found out and look like a fraud. This occurs in all areas of life work, play and relationships.

How to deal with imposter syndrome

Recognizing that you are doing so

The first step to changing any behavior is to recognize that you are doing it. If you can catch yourself in the act you are one step further along. For some people it’s helpful to just let your thoughts come and go, like passing clouds in the sky. Just know that a thought is just a thought. It doesn’t make it true.

Reframe your thinking

Instead of calling yourself a failure, maybe you want to tell yourself, I didn’t do as well as I wanted, but I did the best I could in the moment. Beating yourself up does not help.

Imagine what you would say to a friend

Most of us would never talk to a friend in the same way we talk to our self. If your friend did the same thing you are beating yourself up for, what would you say? Whatever words of compassion you would use for them is what you should say to yourself.

Talk to someone you trust

It helps to have someone to talk to as a way to ease your mind. Perhaps your thoughts are way off base and you need someone to let you know that you did well. If they think there is room for improvement, or your did make a mistake this person can help you to move forward, learn from it and move on.

Many people experience imposter syndrome at some point or another in their career. This often happens when someone is new in his or her field. Perhaps if you talk to your advisor or mentor, you will realize that you are not alone.

Recognize your skills

My guess if you are a leader or advanced in your field there is some area that you know you do excel. Take stock of your knowledge, expertise or skill. If you are teaching or tutoring someone else in your field, it can highlight that you do know what are talking about. Perhaps you have many years of experience in the field. Or if you are newer in the field recognize that you have had schooling and training that shows you have more knowledge than the average person.

Accept your flaws

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. Working on acceptance of this will take time. Would you expect anyone else to be perfect? Most people would be gentle with a person they love who makes mistakes. Work on striving for excellence, not perfection. Even those who are excellent make mistakes at times.

If imposter syndrome is something you struggle with, talking with a therapist can help. Feel free to call me at 713-304-6554 if this is something you’d like to work on.

Take care,

Debbie