Tolerating Uncertainty

How do you deal with uncertainty? Just the very notion of it might make you anxious. If so, you are not alone. Many people struggle with being in limbo, or want to control their environment. Also we are all living in a different world than we were prior to the pandemic. In addition, we are dealing with a divided nation politically and many people are struggling more than they have in the past.

Those who already struggle with anxiety or have an anxiety disorder find it very difficult to deal with uncertainty. This can increase their worry to a seemingly unmanageable level.

In addition, people with anxiety disorders tend to avoid the very thing that makes them anxious, such as leaving their home, driving or flying, meeting new people or going to the doctor. Avoiding things that scare you will limit you from living the life you want to lead. The more you avoid it, the greater the fear grows, and the smaller your world becomes.

However, when you really think of it, how much control do you really have? Basically what it comes down to is we have control over what comes out of our mouth, and what our hands and feet do. Other than that, the rest of our environment is out of our control.

That being said, there are some things you can do to help you tolerate uncertainty using the acronym APPLES (from Between Sessions).

Acknowledge

Be aware and just recognize that you are starting to feel some uncertainty. Notice that its starting to creep in.

Pause

Instead of reacting to your uncertainty or anxiety, just pause and focus on the steadiness of your breath.

Pull back

Recognize that this is your anxiety talking. Your thoughts and feelings are not facts. Notice that trying to control the situation is not possible. For some people it helps to say, “I am having the thought that I am worried”, vs. “I am worried.” This helps to externalize the thought, and make it less intense.

Let go

Allow yourself the need to let go of your illusory desire for control. Your feelings might be very intense. However, remind yourself that feelings come in waves. Just like the waves in the ocean that eventually die down, your fear of uncertainty will also diminish.

Explore

Focus on your five senses. Pay attention to breathing in and out and where you feel your breath in your body. What do you see in your environment? Focus on that. Next notice what you hear. Do you hear the sounds of nature? Or perhaps the heating or air-conditioning in your home. Is there a smell in the room or outdoors? Focus on it. Then take notice of what you are touching. Are you sitting on a chair? Notice its texture. Or perhaps you are outdoors and feel the heat or wind on your skin. Next do something different or change your environment to move into the rest of your day.

Stand Alone

If you are feeling anxious or uncertain, deal with your struggle by yourself. Do not reach out to others as a way to seek certainty. This will help you get rid of the need for someone to make you feel safe. You want to learn to deal with this by yourself, as it is your struggle. No one can fix it for you, only you.

An exercise to try

As crazy as it might sound, the best way to deal with uncertainty is to put yourself in a situation that would typically bother you. This is how you can teach yourself that you can deal with uncertainty, and learn to be in the moment and tolerate it.

A way to help practice this is to track it. One way to do this is to write down a situation that would make you feel uncomfortable. Use the APPLES method listed above. Then rate your discomfort level on a scale from 1-10. One means you are just a little bit anxious and 10 means you are very anxious. Write down the date you practiced the APPLES technique and how long you practiced it. Continue to add various other things that make you uncomfortable. Each week see if you can increase the amount of time you are tolerating uncertainty.

Remember, you are learning a new skill. Sometimes is two steps forward, one step back. Be patient with yourself, as you didn’t get this way overnight, so you won’t change overnight. It takes time and practice.

If uncertainty is something you struggle with, give me a call at 713-304-6554.

Take care,

Debbie

People with higher levels of anxiety have difficulty tolerating uncertainty. Here are some tools to help.