Do you need to improve self esteem? If so, you are not alone. Many people struggle from time to time. Our self-esteem is our sense of our worth. It also includes our confidence in our ability to accomplish things. Some people with low self-esteem feel they can’t do anything right, or no one would want to be with them.

These feeling of low self-esteem can be due to our childhood experiences and how our care-givers treated us. Were they supportive, or verbally abusive? This makes a huge difference. Also, life experiences can impact our self-esteem.

Ways to improve self esteem

Self-compassion

How kind are you to yourself?  Do you have a critical inner voice. Would you ever say these words to a friend of yours? My guess is the answer is no. If you spoke that way to your friends you probably wouldn’t have any.

When you are beating yourself up about something, ask yourself what you would say to a friend in the same situation. My guess is that you would be compassionate and say something encouraging. Thus, do the same thing for yourself. Instead of saying something negative, say those compassionate words to yourself.

You also might want to look up Mindful Self-Compassion by Neff and Germer. There is a whole host of information on this topic as well as tools to try.

Set small goals to improve self esteem

If you have a big goal and feel that it is impossible to accomplish, break it down. When you set small goals, you are setting yourself up for success. As this success increases over time, you will feel more confident and your self-esteem will improve.

Spend time with people who support you

Being around positive people will make a big difference in how you feel about yourself. You want people who can tell you that you can accomplish your dreams. If you don’t know how to do it, find a mentor.

The people you hang out with can impact your mood. Don’t spend time with naysayers, or those who tell you why you can’t do what you want. You can do it!!

What are your strengths?

We all have them. You might think you are not good at anything. I would challenge your way of thinking. We all have gifts. Are you sweet, loyal, smart, funny, creative? Maybe you are quiet and a good listener. If you aren’t sure what you strengths are, ask someone who loves you. I know people see all kinds of good things about you.

Exercise

This may sound silly as this is not about losing weight. Exercise is the best thing you can do for your mental health. It is better than medication. If you are feeling strong, or that you are in good shape, you will hold yourself a little higher and feel good about yourself.

Volunteer to improve self esteem

When we volunteer it gets us out of our own head. We focus less on our own problems. It is all about helping someone else. In addition, we might realize how blessed we are, as many people do not have it as good as we do.

Volunteering is a win-win. You help someone else. As a result you feel good about yourself.

Gratitude

Practicing gratitude has also been found to be an antidote to depression. What are you grateful for? It can be something big or small. Perhaps you are grateful that your health is good, you have a roof over your head or air conditioning on a hot day. It could also be as simple as someone held the door open for you, or smiled at you.

Some people start their day off writing 3 things they are grateful for. Really focus on these things. How do you feel when you do? Do you feel it somewhere in your body? Perhaps a warmth?

Decrease use of social media

When you look at other peoples social media pages, you see all the fun they are having. They seem to have the good life. You compare yourself to them and assume that their life is so much better than yours, they have more friends and go to more parties, etc.

Do you really think their lives are that perfect? I had a client who felt she had to go out and put all these pictures on line to prove that her life was good too. That sounds exhausting.

It is an illusion. They are only posting the alleged good things in their life. You have no idea what is really go on behind the camera. Why not just live your own life, and not compare yourself to others? For when you do, you will always come up short.

Set healthy boundaries to improve self esteem

I can’t tell you how important boundaries are to having a sense of self. This is what sets you apart from others. You are a unique individual, and by respecting and maintaining your boundaries, you will feel much better about yourself. If you let others walk all over you, or just do what they want, your needs will not be met. You will lose your sense of self, and self-esteem will go right out the window.

If you need to improve self esteem, therapy can help. Give me a call at 713-304-6554 and we will set up a game plan to get you where you want to be.

Take care,

Debbie