You or someone you love might struggle with ADHD. It can be frustrating to be the person with it, as well as live with someone who does. You may be wondering if there are some things that can help. The good news is that there is all kind of tools to assist, if you/the person wants help. If the person does not want help, there are also some things you can do.
How to help yourself or adults with ADHD
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The better you can understand this disorder, the more patient and empathetic you will be. Adults with ADHD struggle with motivation, impulsivity, time management, organization and attention. You may think the person is ignoring you or being obstinate. It may not be the case.
People with ADHD have a short working memory, so they can’t hold a lot of information in their head at one time. For instance, if you verbally give them 3 tasks, they will most likely only be able to remember the first one. This has nothing to do with intelligence.
Structure
Structure is important. There are all kinds of things you can do. First of all, write things down. Create a To Do list, as visual reminders can help keep you focused. Second, break things down into small tasks. Those with ADHD can get overwhelmed with a large task or problem and shut down. If it is in small steps, it is easier to accomplish.
Time management and ADHD
It may be helpful to set reminder alarms on the phone, for upcoming deadlines or meetings. The individual can also take breaks each hour. They can work 50 minutes and take a 10-minute break. Or even 25 minutes and a 5-minute break.
Remove distractions
Adults with ADHD get easily distracted. It is important to work in an environment that is as free from distraction as possible. If it were a work situation, we would recommend that there is nothing else on the desk to distract the person. Noise cancelling headphones or earplugs may help. Some people like to listen to music while working as it removes the desire for additional distraction, and can help with focus.
Listen
People with ADHD often feel misunderstood and alone. Ask if there is something they need from you or if you can provide support. Offer support if they express frustration or are struggling. Take interest in them as a person vs. what tasks they do or don’t do. They need to feel love and support without judgment.
Be their cheerleader
When they have a success, even if it’s small, celebrate with them. Acknowledge their hard work (even if it seems like it would have been simple for you). Their brain works differently than yours. Your positive words and encouragement can motivate them. In addition, it’s nice to know that someone is on your side.
Organization and ADHD
Helping the person with organization may be a big relief. It may be helpful to come up with a system together. The system that works for you, may not work for them. You can label folders or drawers. You can color code things to decrease clutter. Having a neat space can reduce stress.
Patience
This will go along way for everyone involved. Remember, they will not be able to complete tasks as easily as you can. They may be doing their best, and you don’t even realize it. Your patience will help you as well as the person struggling.
Get outside help
If you struggle with symptoms of ADHD and want outside help, there are all kinds of things you can do. You may want to speak with a therapist or coach to help with your symptoms. Medication can also help if you are open to it.
How to help adults with ADHD who don’t want help
Respect autonomy
If the person does not want help, and you force it, you may create a power struggle that is not good for anyone. Their self-esteem may be struggling, or they may feel like nothing they do is ever good enough. There are some tools they might want to try on their own.
If they are resistant, let them know that you are always there for them if they want help in the future. Remember, it is their battle to fight, not yours.
Focus on their strengths vs. ADHD
Remind them of the things they are good at. They may feel beat down. It feels good for someone to recognize areas in which we excel. It can be exhausting to only hear about the ways they fall short.
Be empathetic
Showing them empathy and no judgment can make it easier for them to express their struggles. You want them to feel safe with you. Knowing you are there when they are ready will make it more likely that they will turn to you with future struggles.
You can also ask the person if there is something you can do that would be helpful. On the flip side, ask if there is something you currently do that is not helpful. You may be doing something to make them defensive or make things worse, and not even know it.
Provide suggestions for ADHD
There is nothing wrong with suggesting books, podcasts or seminars about adults with ADHD. Then if the person decides to listen or read about your ideas, great. If not, let it go. Don’t pressure them. Perhaps they will take you up on your idea in the future.
If you or someone you love struggles with ADHD, therapy can help. Please give me a call at 713-304-6554.
Take care,
Debbie
