Resiliency can be many things based on whom you ask. It is your ability to bounce back after adversity. Resilience is something that helps you weather life’s storms, whether they are personal or professional. Even when things are difficult, you know you can get through them. You have faith that things will get better. Adaptability is another thing that may come to mind.
Resiliency certainly doesn’t mean that we don’t have intense emotions or feel pain. It’s the way we deal with them that makes all the difference. Below are some of the psychological tools that people possess who are able to bounce back and thrive.
Psychological tools of resiliency
Emotion regulation
This helps us to maintain control when we are having intense emotions. We don’t lash out or explode.
Optimism impacts resiliency
Those who are met with adversity maintain their optimism when they encounter a problem. There is the belief system that even though things are bad now, they will get better.
Problem solving
When met with a challenge, resilient people will problem solve. They will try to find a way to make things better, or to remove the roadblock.
Adaptability
These people roll with the punches. They can adapt to the changing environment.
Why resiliency matters
Mental health
Those who are resilient are less likely to have anxiety or depression. They can better handle the stresses of life at home and work. It’s a buffer to help you deal with life when it feels overwhelming.
Physical health
If you don’t manage your stress, it will impact your physical health. Learning resiliency can keep you healthy longer and even add years to your life.
Relationships
If you aren’t resilient it can harm relationships. The way you resolve conflict makes a big difference in the health of your relationship. If you can discuss things in a calm way, you can better understand each other and emotional intimacy will grow.
Job success
If you are resilient you will fare better in the workplace. All kinds of conflicts can arise when working with others. Those who remain positive and can adapt to new environments will have greater success.
How to improve your resiliency
Develop a positive mindset
Remember that these things will take time and practice.
Practice gratitude
There are all kinds of positive things that happen during our day. They may be small, but they are there. Write down 3 things you are grateful for each day. It could be someone held the door for you, let you cut in traffic, or a stranger who smiles and says hello.
Reframe negative thoughts
For instance if you had a bad day at work, instead of thinking you are a failure, reframe it as your day didn’t go as planned, yet you did the best you could.
If you made a mistake, instead of beating yourself up, find out what you learned from it. Sometimes you need to make errors to learn the right way to do something.
Improve emotion regulation
Practicing these things can help calm you down, so you can respond in a way that will be effective.
Mindfulness for resiliency
Just pay attention to your emotions and what comes up for you. Where do you feel it in your body? Don’t judge it as good or bad. All feelings are OK.
Breathing
There are several breathing exercises that can help. First set a timer for 8 minutes and just breathe in and out slowly and deeply. Notice the air as it goes in and out.
Second there is 478 breathing. Breathe in for 4, hold your breath for 7 and breathe out for 8.
Third is square breathing. Breathe in for 4, hold for 4; breathe out for 4, hold for 4. Imagine each side of a square as you are doing each step.
Awareness for resiliency
Name the emotion you are feeling. You can say that is anxiety, or that is sadness. Just recognizing it can reduce it.
Lean on others
None of us gets through this world on our own. It is OK to ask for help during difficult times. You don’t have to bare the weight of the world on your shoulders. On the flip side, you can be there for others when they struggle.
Nurture the relationships with the people you love and who are there for you. These are the people that you want to surround yourself with.
Learn to problem solve
If your problem seems like a big one, break it down into smaller steps. You are less likely to be overwhelmed.
Learn to let go of the things that you cannot control. This can be challenging, but can be practiced over time.
Remember, you can always ask for advice from someone you trust.
A sense of purpose
Having a sense of purpose or a connection with someone/something is what allows us to be resilient. Knowing we have a support system, whether it is community, family, spirituality, your value system or religion is crucial. This can give you the motivation to deal with challenges. If you don’t know what these are yet, they can be explored.
Welcome change for resiliency
Change is inevitable in all our lives. Learning to be more flexible is helpful. Things don’t always go the way we want. Step outside your comfort zone, as you will grow. Welcome new opportunities.
Learning resilience can be challenging. Remember, you didn’t get here overnight, so you won’t change over night. If you struggle with resiliency, therapy can help. Give me a call at 713-304-6554 and we can work on these tools. Sometimes having someone keep you accountable can make a difference when you want to change and grow.
Take care,
Debbie Grammas
