Do you play the social comparison game? We all do to some extent. It is how we understand ourselves and define who we are. However, if you do this excessively it will lower your self-esteem. It can lead to anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. At its worst it can lead to suicidal ideation.

Young adults are the most vulnerable to this trap. People compare themselves in many areas of life-who is more attractive, makes more money, has the most impressive job title, is the most popular, etc. Thus, when you play the social comparison game, you typically come up short.

Realistically there is always going to be someone who is more attractive, popular, or makes more money than us. Learning how to break this cycle will help you feel better about yourself and improve your mood.

How to stop the social comparison game

Look at where reality lies for a true comparison

I always tell people, if you really want to see where you are in any areas of social comparison, you need to be realistic. That means comparing yourself to someone who is less attractive than you, less successful, etc. As a result, you will realize that you are not as bad as you think you are.

Recognize that you can excel in some areas of your life, but not all.  Also remember that there are people who wish they had something or some characteristic that you have.

Focus on areas you excel

What are you good at? We all have some sort of gift. Perhaps you can sing, play an instrument, or run a long distance. Maybe you have a knack for technology or can fix things. You may have a wonderful personality and draw people in. Also, you might be creative or a good listener.

However, If you aren’t sure of your gifts, ask a friend or family member. I’m sure they will have good things to say about you.

Limit social media

Social media is the worst for social comparison. People give the impression that their life is perfect and they have no worries. They are out there having all kinds of fun with other people, or give the idea that their family is perfect. I’m guessing you know of some people who struggle; yet give quite a different impression on line.

You might want to limit your time on social media. Set a timer for 15 minutes, or whatever time you think is appropriate. If you follow someone who makes you feel bad, stop following him or her.

Avoid people who make you feel bad

Is there someone who constantly brags about what they have? Do some people make you feel bad about yourself? Maybe you feel you can’t keep up with them. Perhaps they insult you, give you back handed compliments or make you feel bad about yourself.

Guess what? You don’t have to spend time with these people. Thus, if there is someone who triggers you or makes you feel like you come up short, avoid them.

Look at your growth when considering comparison

What areas have you improved in over the years? How about comparing your current self to where you were 10 years ago. My guess is you have overcome a great deal, or have gotten better at something. Have you become more attractive, successful or popular? Perhaps you have learned a new skill, or now have a partner or children.

Be happy for the success of others

Instead of focusing on your jealousy to someone else’s success, why not embrace their accomplishment? If you focus on jealousy or resentment, it will eat you alive. However, if you celebrate their success, it will foster feelings of warmth and friendship. In addition, it will get you out of your own head. Hopefully as you are happy for the success of others, they will be there to celebrate you, when it’s your time to shine.

Mindfulness

If you are mindful and in the moment, there is no room for comparison. You want to focus on your 5 senses. What do you see, hear, smell, taste and touch? Practicing mindfulness can help you get out of your head by focusing on the here and now.

Self-compassion for comparison

Practicing mindful self-compassion can also help. Acknowledge that you are going through a difficult time. Remind yourself that you are not alone. Suffering is part of the human condition.

What would you say to a friend or loved one who was suffering in the same way? My guess is that you’d offer them kind, gentle, encouraging words. Now say these words to yourself.

As I’ve shown above, there are many things you can do to stop socially comparing yourself to others. However, if you have tried to stop this and it isn’t working, therapy can help. Give me a call at 713-304-6554 and we’ll come up with a personal game plan so you can feel better about yourself.

Take care,

Debbie Grammas