In Chapman’s book, Things I wish I’d Known Before We Got Married, he talks about conflict in relationships. Some couples may not realize that it is normal to have conflict. You can have differences of opinions without it turning into a major ordeal. Of course we think our way is the right way and our partner is doing it the wrong way. We don’t stop to think that the other person has a different set of life experiences and a different way of thinking than us.
One thing that causes many people trouble is the belief system that their partner thinks just like they do. However, nothing can be further than the truth. Even if you grew up next door to your partner, is the same race and religion, your beliefs, thoughts and feelings will be different.
The important thing is to discuss these disagreements in a calm way, vs. getting into a screaming match. Just because you have conflict doesn’t mean that you are with the wrong person. It just means that you are human. We will have conflict at some point in time with whomever we live with.
The important part of resolving your conflict is your willingness to listen to what your partner has to say. I don’t think anyone would stop you in an argument if you told him or her you wanted to hear his or her point of view, vs. make sure they know your point of view.
It is also important to stick to the topic of your conflict. Do not bring up past conflicts or tell your partner that they always do (whatever you are complaining about). This will guarantee that your conflict will not be resolved. Once you have both listened to what the other person has to say, you will be in a better place to resolve your conflict and come up with a compromise. This means you each give a little to have harmony in your relationship, you agree with the other person’s point of view because you realize how much it means to them, or you decide to revisit the conflict at a later time. If you decide to revisit the conflict, it is important to let go of it until you do decide to resolve it. Other times you may have to agree to disagree. Whatever you decide it is important to hear what your partner has to say, and to respect their viewpoint even if it is different from yours.
Happy Relating,
Debbie
