Do you have a friend or family member who is just exhausting to be around? Perhaps you feel zapped of energy after being with them and aren’t sure why. These are a few signs that you are dealing with difficult people. My guess is that they in some way push your boundaries. I recently read a blog by Nedra Tawwab who talks about these people who are draining. Below are some things that she mentioned.
Signs of difficult people
You dread being with them
I think we all have someone in our friend group or family who we do not want to be around. Others may also think of them as difficult people. These are the ones who occupy your thoughts when a gathering comes up and you need to see them.
It might help to have a plan on how to keep the interactions short. This might involve only sticking to certain topics of conversation, or having an exit plan if you are stuck with them.
Needing to wind down after being with them
This person most likely gets your heart rate up or you feel like you are on guard around them. Perhaps you feel like you have to be on your best behavior and can’t be yourself. We can only do that for a short time before needing to unwind.
Needing to tell others about the interaction
Obviously this person has gotten under your skin if you feel you need to talk about what’s happened. It’s problematic if this is a regular occurrence. Most of us don’t need to vent after being with people we enjoy being with. If you need to process the event, it is a sign that the person is draining.
You don’t answer the phone when difficult people contact you
Do you tend to ignore their texts and calls? This is actually a good boundary as you are setting limits. But its also a sign that this is a draining person. I have a client whose mother in law likes to stir the pot. She says she takes about every third call or text.
For some people they need to block the other person to protect him or herself. That is OK to do, as only you know what you can take.
Feeling keyed up, upset or tired
Is this how you feel after interacting with them? This is clearly a sign to stay away or severely limit contact. Again if this happens every once in a while, then it’s a normal family interaction. If it happens on a regular basis then you do need to set some boundaries.
You fear what you say will be used against you
Perhaps you feel that you have to limit what you say to the person. Or if you have any concerns, dreams, goals, or fears that you cannot share them. Your fear is that they will some how use the information against you, or talk about you to others.
You find yourself making up reasons why you don’t have time for them
This is clearly a sign that you do not want to be around the person. It can be very difficult setting boundaries. This person might make you feel guilty for doing so, but using guilt is a way to control you.
Guess what. You don’t have to make up excuses. You can always just say, “I’m sorry but I’m busy that day.” You do not need to explain yourself any further than that. If you give the person any more information they might try to find a way to coerce you into doing something you don’t want to do.
Physical symptoms of anxiety (ex. headaches, stomachaches)
This should be a clear sign that something is not right. We shouldn’t have to be around any difficult people who make us anxious. If this is a family affair such as a wedding and there is no avoiding the person, then just be cordial, and say hello. Try not to engage in any kind of conversation with them. If you do get drawn in, you can always say that you need to go to the restroom or grab something to drink. This is a great way to get out of any conversation.
You keep thinking about the exchange with difficult people
Are the thoughts of the interaction looping through your mind? Are you replaying them over and over? While this is not good, it is another sign that someone is exhausting to be around.
Try to recognize that you cannot control the other person, you can only control how you respond to them. Learning to set boundaries is critical for you to be at peace with yourself. Life is too short to spend with people who get under our skin. There are plenty of other people to interact with, so spend time with those who make you feel good about yourself and who accept you as you are.
If this is something you struggle with, please give me a call at 713-304-6554 and we can work on setting boundaries.
Take care,
Debbie
