Nothing may be more confusing than trying to figure out how to help an addict. If your child or someone you love struggles with substances, you have a difficult road ahead of you. No one knows exactly what to do in that situation. You may feel very helpless or hopeless. In addition, it is very scary because you could lose the person you love either to death or the addiction. It tears families apart.

I once heard someone say that the addict will eventually stop-either by death, treatment or jail. Below is some information that may be helpful that came from New Dimensions day treatment center. I will use the terms, addict, alcoholic and substance abuser interchangeably. All 3 terms apply.

Do

Get information

Gain as much information as you can on the recovery process. Knowledge is power. A lot more goes into recovery than stopping the alcohol or substance use. A lot of damage has been done emotionally, relationships need to be repaired, and lives need to be rebuilt. In Houston, the The Council on Drugs and Alcohol is also a wonderful resource for information.

Take care of yourself

If you try to control the addict you will drive yourself crazy. No one can control another person. We only have control over ourselves. You may want to look into Al Anon to gain tools on how to help yourself.

Share your struggles with others

When we keep things in we feel more isolated and alone. Sharing your struggles with trusted friends or family members will ease some of your burden. Most families have someone who has struggled with substances.

Don’t argue with the alcoholic or addict

Trying to have a conversation with someone who is under the influence is a useless waste of time. That person will not be able to take in what you have to say. Have these discussions with the person when they are sober. These are not easy conversations to have.

Set boundaries and stick to them

Let the person know what is acceptable and what isn’t. For example if you call me on the phone or show up at my home when you are drunk/high, I will not talk with you or allow you in. Only set boundaries that you are willing to stick to.

Get help when there is a crisis

At this point in time the substance user is open to get help. This may be when they have lost a job, hurt someone in an accident or about to lose their relationship. Move swiftly and in the moment to get them to a treatment center. When someone is sober they tend to deny that they have a problem.

Don’t

Play alcohol police

It does not help to try to control the amount the person is using. It will only lead to conflict. The substance user will lie and perhaps agree to what you have to say. Then they will do what they want and hide the amount they are using.

Shame

Don’t use shame as a way to control the alcoholic. Anyone using is already filled with shame. This continues to make them feel bad about them self. Then they use again to get rid of those feelings. It’s an endless cycle.

Ignore the problem

If you stick your head in the sand, the problem will not go away. It is like the elephant in the room. Over time resentment will build, and you will eventually have to deal with it.

Make deals

Bargaining with the alcoholic doesn’t work. They may agree to the bargain in the short term, but in the long term it is not a deterrent.

Threaten

If you threaten the substance user and don’t follow through on the threats, it teaches the alcoholic that you are not serious. They will begin to ignore what you have to say, as they know that you don’t mean it.

Remember, their usage has nothing to do with how much the person loves you. He or she is out of control and the road to recovery is a difficult one for everyone involved. The only one you can help is yourself. So get the support that you need to take care of you.

If you or someone you love struggles with addiction, therapy and treatment can help. Give me a call at 713-304-6554.

Take care,

Debbie