Many factors go into a healthy relationship. Some core components are friendship, trust and respect. These need to be in place for any relationship to last.
Friendship is the foundation. Getting to know someone on an intimate level is exciting. Even if you have been married a long time, there are still things to learn about your partner and your partner to learn about you. It is important to maintain that air of curiosity and to continue to discover new things, as people change over time. Your partner’s dreams and aspirations may be very different at age 25 vs. 40 or 50. Admiration also plays into the friendship aspect of your marriage. You want to let your partner know what you appreciate about him or her. It feels good to be appreciated. It adds to your partner’s emotional bank account, and you want that to be filled with good and positive interactions, so when something bad occurs, or conflict arises, the account will still have plenty of deposits. Sense of humor and sharing your day-to-day life is also part of your relationship friendship.
Trust is critical to any relationship, and the level of trust, will determine the depth of the relationship. You should be able to open your heart to your partner and be vulnerable. This is about safety. If your partner is vulnerable with you, it is important to protect and honor that vulnerability. It should never be brought up in an argument or shared with others. It is important that you and your partner know that you will be there for each other, when things are good, and when things are bad. That you will be there to take care of each other if you are sick.
Respect is also key to a relationship. This means you don’t put your partner down or insult them. You only say kind things about them to others. You don’t call them names. Name-calling is extremely destructive to relationships and is considered emotional abuse. It also means that you respect your partner’s family. You don’t have to like your family, or your partner’s family, but it is important to respect them. Communication skills and conflict management also fall under this category. You can learn or improve on these skills. It also means that you put your partner’s needs equal to your own. You are there to help your partner grow and help him or her reach their goals and dreams.
Of course trust, friendship and respect goes both ways. If these factors are in place, then you have the basics for a long and happy relationship. If you feel that you need some improvement in these areas, couples counseling can help.
Take care,
Debbie
