Losing someone you love is devastating. Your feelings may be all over the place and you aren’t sure if it’s grief vs. depression. You might find it interesting to know that they share several of the same symptoms. So if you are thinking you are depressed after the loss of a loved one, it might actually be grief that you are feeling.

In previous versions of the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) there was an exclusionary clause saying that you wouldn’t get a diagnosis of major depressive disorder prior to 6 weeks of the loss of a loved one. Yet in the newer volume it was removed as the two can coexist. In addition a death can trigger a major depressive episode, as any major life change can.

Grief vs. depression

Similarities

Feelings of intense sadness

Obviously when you lose someone you love, you will spend time crying over the loss. Everyone grieves differently, so you may grieve when you are with others, or you might just internalize it and grieve privately.

Difficulty sleeping

You have been through a major live change and it will most likely effect your sleep. Maybe you are sleeping throughout the day, as it is exhausting to grieve. You might have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. Just know that this will normalize over time.

Decrease in appetite

It can be very difficult to eat when you are so upset. Food may be the last thing that is on you mind. That is why people often bring food to the home. No one has the energy to cook anything and it is important that we nourish ourselves to get through the events.

Weight loss

Obviously if your appetite is decreasing, you are eating less and will lose weight.

Differences of grief vs. depression

Symptoms decrease over time

When you lose someone you love, the level of intensity of the feelings are much greater in the beginning. As time goes on, the pain tends to decrease. This certainly doesn’t mean that the pain ever goes away, it means that the feelings of intense sadness decrease in intensity and the number of painful thoughts tend to decrease.

With the depression, the feeling tend to remain constant.

Guilt

Those with depression often feel as sense of guilt. This has nothing to do with any guilt over a relationship that never was, or feeling guilty that your last interaction with the person who passed was not what you wanted it to be.

Feelings of worthlessness

This is classic with depression. The person feels worthless. Ones sense of self-worth does not come into question with grief.

Difficulty in carrying out day to day activities

With depression, this occurs over a much longer period of time. When you first learn of the persons death you may have some difficulty functioning, but you can still make yourself do the things you need to do. Or the difficulty is fluctuating. When someone is depressed, they are unable to do normal day to day activities.

Suicidal thoughts

Thoughts of suicide are a common symptom of depression. Your feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness may be overwhelming. This is not a symptom of grief. Being in great pain is common, but the thought of self-harm is not there.

On the flip side someone may think about dying as a way to be with the person they lost, not because they feel helpless or hopeless.

If you are having suicidal thoughts it is imperative that you seek help or call the national suicide hotline    1-800-273-8255.

Identifiable loss

Obviously death or any major life change comes with a sense of loss. With depression, there is no identifiable loss. Often times people will say, “Everything is going well in my life, I have no reason to be depressed.” That is one way we distinguish the two.

Presence of others

Typically with grief, having others around helps to distract you. Being with others is healing or comforting. It is when you are alone that you might feel the loss even more. With depression, most people isolate and the presence of others does not add any level of comfort.

Anger

People with depression don’t have the energy to be angry. Anger is a normal phase of grief. You may be angry with the person who is no longer there, or you may be angry with God for taking the person away from you.

If you are not sure if it is grief or depression, seeking outside help can ease your pain. Even if you aren’t depressed, it can be helpful to process your grief with a professional. You have gone through a trauma, and it will take some time to heal.

Please call me at 713-304-6554 if I can help.

Take care,

Debbie