Typically when we think about grief and loss we think about the death of someone. Grief leads to intense emotional suffering and if it isn’t resolved it can lead to anxiety or depression. Grief is a normal human emotion that we all feel when we lose something important to us. It may not be another person, but may be due to the end of a relationship, end of a career or role in life. Each time we lose or change some aspect of our life, some process of grief is involved. Some are obviously more painful than others. Here are some other things that may lead to grief.

  1. Moving
  2. Leaving one job for another
  3. Being laid off or fired from a job
  4. End of a relationship
  5. Loss associated with change in roles (getting married-loss of single life, becoming a parent-loss of freedom)
  6. Kids moving off to college
  7. Illness or physical impairment
  8. A divorce
  9. Loss of a pet

We all move through various stages of grief when dealing with it. They are:

Denial-It is a defense mechanism so you don’t have to deal with the pain of the situation. There is the belief that it never happened.

Anger-can lead to depression if it’s kept in. It can be due to regrets, and can lead to rage or violence.

Bargaining-going through all the “what ifs”, a desire to be able to control the situation, and can be harmful if one doesn’t’ move past this phase.

Depression-can be defined as anger turned inward. There is often a lot of crying in this stage. People may have suicidal thoughts. As long as one doesn’t become stuck in this phase and is hopeful, one will be OK. Crying is healthy and is a good way to express your sadness.

Acceptance-when you believe that you can heal and move forward, you are able to face reality. You have learned coping skills, have accepted your loss, and may be trying to understand what the loss means. At this point in time, you stop ruminating about the loss.

These stages aren’t necessarily done in a linear fashion; you may move forward and then go back to a previous stage, and then forward again.

Many people are not taught to deal with loss or life transition. They are taught to stuff their feelings and not talk about them. They are taught to put on a happy face or “suck it up”. These statements are not helpful. Grief and sadness are normal. It is important to go through the stages of grief in order to work through them.

Here are some statements that help you know you have worked through your grief.

  1. You are able to acknowledge your loss, but not let it define you.
  2. You are able to enjoy the good times you had with the person or role without experiencing the intense pain of loss.
  3. Being able to find new meaning in your life.
  4. You are able to talk about the person; situation or feelings involved and realize that it’s OK to feel bad at times.

If you are struggling with grief or loss, therapy can help. Please give me a call at 713-304-6554 if I can do so.

Take care,

Debbie