Five Methods of Communication
This blog is coming from a handout I have on communication. Unfortunately there is no source written, so I don’t know who to give credit to. So if anyone knows the source, please let me know and I will give him or her credit. Of the five styles, only one is effective in promoting healthy relationships.
- Passive
With this type of communication there is no confrontation. The person avoids it at all costs. They end up stuffing their feelings, which makes them sad. They think that if their needs are not met, then they don’t deserve to be treated well. The person takes responsibility for the confrontation, which leads to low self worth and feeling taken advantage of. They may resort to self-harm such as alcohol, drugs, over-eating, etc. Problems are not resolved because no one knows this person has needs that are not being met. It hurts relationships and leads to low self-esteem.
- Passive-Aggressive
They also avoid confrontation and feel very angry. They think that it should be obvious to others what they need and can’t believe that they don’t. These people accuse others and feel discounted. They get back at the other person to “make them pay.” This stops any healthy resolution of the problem because the other person has no idea what you are upset about, and to them it looks like you are causing problems. This type of communication also hurts relationships and leads to low-self esteem.
- Passive-Explosive
Again there is no healthy confrontation to start with. This person stuffs their feelings and is very angry. They think that the world is full of idiots. They also accuse others for their feelings, which only increases their anger. Eventually it boils over and the person explodes. The outburst may be directed at the wrong person, and the real issue that is bothering the individual is not addressed. It also harms relationships and lowers self-esteem.
- Assertive
This is the healthiest of styles. This person speaks up when there is conflict. They express their feelings using “I” statements. They believe that things can be worked out. They don’t blame themselves or others and focus on the issue at hand. They are willing to compromise. This most often leads to the resolution of the problem and does so in a way where everyone feels heard, understood and respected.
- Aggressive
This person causes conflict in a destructive manner. They are explosive, threaten others, swear, and verbally or physically abuse others. They blame others because others are the problem, and the individual thinks they are always right. They will make the other person ‘pay’ for their actions. Obviously there is no resolution of conflict and it causes hostility. This is devastating, and leads to low self-esteem.
Which type of communication style do you think you have? If you are having trouble in your relationships due to communication therapy can help. It is the number one reason couples come in to therapay. Don’t hesitate to give me a call at 713-30-46554.
Take care,
Debbie
