How connected are you really to your loved ones? Many of us think we are connecting, but are we fooling ourselves? I just got back from a few days visit with my parents. We had gone out to a nice steakhouse for dinner. I noticed a young couple at the table next to us, and she was on her phone. Here they are at a beautiful restaurant and her phone is taking away from the atmosphere and her time with her partner. If you are on your phone, you are not with your partner or friend. How might your meal be different if your phone was on vibrate or not in your presence?

There was one point in time where we were at my parent’s home, and my 80 + year old parents were both on their phones. We were all checked out from each other. I was guilty at that time too, so I purposely put down my phone, and started a conversation with my parents. It’s really important to have some rules around the phone usage so you aren’t checked out from the ones you love.

Reasons/rules to put down your phone.

  1. It is not easy to ignore your phone. Put the phones away at mealtime. Put them on vibrate or turn them off, because just like Pavlov’s dogs, we are conditioned to pick up our phones as soon as we hear the bell.
  2. Don’t take your phones or tablets into bed with you, for a few reasons. First of all, the blue light in the background decreases your melatonin production, which makes it harder to fall asleep. Second, if you are connected to something else, you are less likely to be connected or intimate with your partner. And there is less time for pillow talk.
  3. It affects babies. On the airplane on the way home, I read an article that said that babies, whose mother’s are on the phone and not paying as much attention to their child, may have shorter attention spans. Also, if you aren’t paying as much attention to your child, might it affect their attachment to you, or might there be more accidents around the home? Your child’s safety may be at stake.
  4. Pick up the phone and talk to friends, if you don’t you miss out on so much. Tone and warmth are not portrayed in the same way via text or email. I can’t tell you how many clients get into text wars on their phone. Even when I do couples counseling, one partner in the couple can take a word the wrong way and assume it means something else when it doesn’t. Imagine how easy it would be to misinterpret the text if you don’t have tone or context. The person could be busy at work and shoot off a quick response, and the other person may think they are mad at them.
  5. Don’t expect your partner or friends to be available 24/7 on their phone, or return your messages immediately, especially when the other person is at work. This is unrealistic. Sometimes people work and a phone call will interrupt their train of thought or workflow. They may be in a meeting, or up against a tight deadline and not be able to respond.

How is your phone usage affecting you? You might want to take stock, as it’s something we all need to be aware of. If you are having trouble with boundaries in this area, contact me at 713-304-6554.