Ah, money, one of the biggest topics that couples fight about. How do you handle money on your own? How do you want to handle it as a couple? Is there an amount that is okay to spend without discussing it with your partner? What are your thoughts on lending people money? Will you have a joint account, separate accounts, or both? Who will pay the bills? Will you handle things differently if one person makes significantly more than the other person? How did your parents handle money? What is your viewpoint on spending vs. saving? The list of questions could go on and on.
Many couples say that the happiest times were those when there was not a lot of money, and they had to sacrifice to scrape by. They had a common goal and there wasn’t a lot of money to spend. They enjoyed the things they had.
It is important to have a plan. Gary Chapman in his book Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married, talks about the importance of viewing it as “Our money,” not his money and her money. Spending and savings goals should be done together. If there is debt, than it is on both of you. He recommends that you come up with a plan as to how much you will spend, how much you will give away and how much you will save.
Many couples purchase a house beyond their means. He says that no more than 40% of your net income should go to housing and utility costs. Also consider, does one of you want to stay home or only work part time if you have children? In that case, you may want to choose housing based on 1 person’s salary.
Something else to consider is how much you will spend on credit cards. Unless it is an emergency or a necessity, it is best not to carry any credit card debt. The interest rates on them can be huge. My own personal theory is if I can’t pay it off at the end of the month, I can’t afford it. You will not be able to afford the lifestyle you grew up in when you first get married. While it may have been nice, remember, it took your parent’s years to get there.
It would be wise to make major purchases together. You can also decide on an amount that is okay to spend without consulting the other person. Whether it is $50 or $1000, it is up to you. Also decide if you will lend other people money, and have an amount that is okay without consulting the other person. Or perhaps you will decide you won’t lend anyone else money. Many times people will not pay you back, so keep that in mind. Also decide on who will keep track of the money and pay the bills. Planning some of these suggestions will help prevent conflict in the future.
If you feel that you are unable to resolve your conflicts with money, you may want to seek couples counseling to help you better understand your needs.
Take care,
Debbie
