Mindful self-compassion is a wonderful tool to quiet your inner critic. Have you ever really taken the time to listen to your inner voice? We all have these thoughts going through our heads most of the time. Is this voice negative, positive, or neutral? Many people say that they are their own worst critic and beat themselves up. I can’t imagine they would be too happy if that is the case, and learning mindful self-compassion can be a game changer.

What would you say to someone you care about? Would you say the same critical statements that you say to yourself? My guess is you wouldn’t, or you might not have any friends. There is an alternative and that is to show yourself compassion when you are going through difficult times. Just as you would for a friend or loved one. Remember, we all struggle in life no matter who we are, where we live or what our income is. You are not alone.

Kristen Neff, one of the founders of mindful self-compassion recently posted 6 exercises to increase your self-compassion. This may seem like a new concept for you and will take time to cultivate. Just like learning to ride a bike, the more you practice, the better you will get. The best thing that can happen is that you will be happier with yourself. When you are happier with your self, you can be the best version of you.

Ways to practice mindful self-compassion

Treat yourself as a friend

As I mentioned above, think about what you’d say to someone who is struggling with a similar situation. For example, if you got stood up on a date, you might say something derogatory about yourself. Maybe you think no one will ever love you. If your friend told that they got stood up, would you tell them that they will never find someone to love them? My guess is you’d say something like, “That stinks that they did that to you. No one deserves that.” Or you might say, “Perhaps they have a good reason and they will get back to you.” Another thought would be, “You will eventually find someone right for you.” You get the idea. We can think of all these things to make someone else feel better. When you get in that boat, offer those same words of kindness to yourself.”

Soothing touch

A comforting touch is so healing. There are times we need a hug and no one is around to provide it. Something many people find comforting is by putting your hand on your heart. Place your hand right on the skin-not through a shirt. There is something very comforting about the skin-to-skin contact.

You might want to play around and see what is most comforting to you. Some people prefer to give themselves a hug. Others like to touch their cheek or put their hand on their abdomen. You may prefer having your hand on your heart. You can also place the other hand on top of the first hand, or make slow circles on your skin. Everyone is different, so it’s best to find what works for you.

Mindful self-compassion break

Think about something that might be upsetting to you in the moment. Tell yourself that you are struggling and it is difficult. Remind yourself that others struggle too. You are not alone. You can also incorporate soothing touch. Think of some kind words you can say to yourself, such as, “I’m going to be OK. This difficulty will pass.”

Cultivate mindful self-compassion by writing

This is a 3-part process. The first is to write about your imperfections. What don’t you like about yourself? How do you feel when you think about these? Write these feelings down. Second, think about someone who loves you unconditionally. What would they say about these alleged flaws that you see? Write yourself a letter from this person and what they would say. Finally, let these words sink it. Feel the love they have for you.

Challenge your critical voice

You can either do this in your own head, or write it down.

Is there something you say to yourself over and over? Such as, “I am stupid, fat or ugly.” What is the tone to this voice? Is it loud and harsh? Whose voice is it? Was there someone in the past who was critical of you?

Try to soften this voice and allow in a few words of self-compassion. For example, if you didn’t exercise, instead of saying you are fat and lazy, try to reframe it in a more positive way. For example, “You weren’t able to make it today because you have a cold, or don’t feel well. Tomorrow is another day.” Or, “I can do a short yoga video so I will get some movement in for today.” You can also give yourself a hug and remind yourself that it is OK.

Mindful self-compassion journal

Write down something that didn’t go well in your day. Or you didn’t like the way you reacted. Using the key components (mindfulness, shared humanity, and self-kindness) of mindful-self-compassion.

Be mindful of what didn’t go well in your day. Just be aware of the emotions that come with it. Don’t judge them. Just allow them to be there. Write about the ways in which we all struggle. My guess is that all your friends and family members struggle in some way. Remind yourself that you are no alone in your suffering. Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that you are a work in progress. Next time the situation arises you will handle it better.

Practicing these tools on a regular basis will help you feel better about yourself. You have the power to improve how you feel. The more you practice, the easier it will be. If you struggle with a strong inner critic and need more help, give me a call at 713-304-6554 and we can work on easing that voice.

Take care,

Debbie Grammas