There are many personality preferences that are important to discuss prior to marriage. Is one of you more talkative in your relationship? Perhaps you are introspective and take in all kinds of information, but don’t feel the need to talk about it. Maybe you are more talkative and like to discuss your thoughts and feelings. You may think something is wrong with your partner if they are not as communicative or talkative as you are. Perhaps they only share things they view as important. Perhaps what you think is important is different than what he or she thinks is important.
It could be that these personality differences suited you well while you were dating. You may have been the one who liked to talk and thought your partner was so wonderful because he or she listened to every word you said. This may have made you feel special. On the other hand your partner might have said few words and liked that you kept the conversation going. They are more comfortable being the listener vs. the speaker and can relax and not feel that they have to talk much, as this is whom they naturally are. Once you are together more long term, you may wonder why your partner doesn’t share his or her feelings, as you have shared yours so openly. Or you may wonder why your partner never stops talking.
This doesn’t mean that if you are the talker and want more information from the quieter person that they won’t tell you. It just means that if you want more details, you need to be the one to ask. Typically your partner will be willing to tell you whatever you want to know, but doesn’t know that it is important to you unless you ask. If you are the quieter person, you may need to let you’re your partner know you need some alone time, so you can be quiet, process or just think.
Another personality factor that can affect relationships is how motivated one person is, or how one waits for things to happen. Perhaps you are a real go-getter and goal setter and you are constantly striving to meet those goals and have a ‘take the bull by the horns’ type of attitude. What happens if your partner lets things happen assuming that patience is a virtue and good will come their way? You may have loved the different traits of your partner. The more passive person will be impressed with how their partner gets things done and takes care of things. The goal setter may find it comfortable that their partner is calmer then they are.
Remember opposites do attract. After years of marriage things can change. The more assertive partner wonders why the passive partner can’t get going. The more passive person doesn’t understand why their partner is in such a hurry.
It is important to recognize and accept these personality differences. Sometimes it is better to take time to reflect before making a move, other times, moving quickly is important. One personality is not wrong or right it is just different.
If you feel your personality differences are causing too much conflict, you may want to seek couples counseling. Give me a call at 713-304-6554 and I can help you learn to negotiate these differences.
Take care,
Debbie
