This is the third blog on personality variables that can affect marriage, as there are so many. Gary Chapman talks about those who do things logically and need to figure out all the steps before they proceed. Others do things intuitively, because they just feel right. They don’t feel a need to understand why. Of course these two personality types would be attractive to each other. The intuitive person is attracted to the stability and reason of the logical person. The logical person is attracted to the freedom and creativity of the intuitive person. These factors can get irritating after several years together. The intuitive person wonders why everything needs to be done so logically as it feels long and drawn out. The logical person can’t understand why the intuitive person would do something without researching it first. This can lead to conflict.
Another big difference in personality style that affects relationships is being an organizer vs. being spontaneous. This difference usually becomes obvious when planning a trip. Are you the person who likes to have the whole itinerary planned out before going or do you like to be spontaneous and go with the flow?
What does your closet look like? Is everything all neat and organized? Perhaps you think everything has a place and that’s where it always goes. Perhaps your partner doesn’t follow the same pattern of organization. His or her closet may not be as neat and organized, and the other person is fine with it. They know where everything is.
What does your wallet look like? Are your bills all facing the same way and in numerical order, or just stuck in randomly? It doesn’t really matter how you do it, it is what works for you. Yet your partner may not understand why you do things the way you do. Perhaps you load the dishwasher differently. I had to laugh when reading about this, as I tend to put the dishes in as I see fit. My husband tends to rearrange things to the way he thinks they should be. This isn’t really important to me, so I recognize that if he need to rearrange them fine, it doesn’t matter to me how they go in, just so they are clean.
How about paying the bills. Is one person very structured and organized with the method they are paid and how they are organized? Is the other person more haphazard and put them in a stack to be paid-knowing when they are due?
It is important to be aware of these traits prior to marriage and discuss how you will negotiate them. Again these are just personality differences, one is not right and one is not wrong. Many couples get into trouble thinking that their partner thinks like they do as are surprised when they learn it is not true. Just be aware of these differences and open to negotiation and you will be fine.
If you struggle in some of these areas and can use some help negotiating these challenges, give me a call at 713-304-6554.
Take care,
Debbie
