I have been married almost 30 years and learned things about my husband and myself throughout the book Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married. Being a therapist, I believe it’s important to reflect and look at myself. I realize I have made mistakes throughout our marriage. I have made assumptions that were untrue that lead to conflict. I recognize that I don’t think the same way my husband does and we do have many personality differences.
I am the talker. I tend to share my feelings and he always knows what I am thinking. He is the thinker and processor. He doesn’t share his feelings as openly as I do. I’ve learned that it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have feelings; it just means he doesn’t talk about them. My husband tends to be a little more logical than I am. I tend to be a little more intuitive and at times think things are obvious. They are obvious to me, so I make the mistake and assume they are obvious for him.
I am the go-getter he is more passive. At times I wasn’t as patient with him as I could have been, or didn’t understand why he wasn’t a go-getter like me. His bills are all facing the same way and in numerical order. He couldn’t understand why everyone’s wallet wasn’t the same way. I put my bills into the bill section of my wallet and I take what I need. It works for me.
We do have differences in religion. Thankfully these were all worked out prior to marriage. We also tend to have some very different political views. We are OK with this as we understand where the other person is coming from, and that it’s OK to agree to disagree on certain topics.
Gary Chapman’s book is a wonderful book for those contemplating spending their lives with their partner. Subjects that are key to long-term happiness are discussed in each chapter. At the end of each chapter are questions for discussion. Some of these are hard questions and it’s important to be honest. At the end, you may realize that you and your partner have a lot to talk about. Or you may realize that the person you thought would be compatible as a life partner is not compatible. That may be difficult to realize, but the pain will be much less if you realize that prior to marriage, than after being married or having children.
If you feel that you and your partner have some differences that keep leading to contact, give me a call at 713-304-6554 and together we can help you have a better understanding of each other.
Take care,
Debbie
