Where do you stand on religion vs. spirituality? Are you and your partner the same religion? Even so, do you have different beliefs or ways of practicing your religion? Do you practice on a weekly basis in a house of worship, or do you just go on holidays, or not at all? Do you pray? If so, do you do it individually or as a family? This is something else that is important to have worked out prior to marriage.
You may also want children and it is important to decide how you will raise them and if you will have any formalized religious practices. Gary Chapman in his book Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married says, “To marry simply because you are in love and to ignore the implications of these spiritual differences is a sign of immaturity.”
Religion and spirituality are very personal issues. Can you allow for the differences, whether it is the same religion or different religions? I will share that my husband and I are different religions. One of us practices a formal religion and the other doesn’t. We had a discussion prior to marriage how we were going to raise our kids. We would not have gotten married without figuring this out first. Now that we have 2 adult children we have quite a wide spread in belief systems of spirituality and religion. It all works out as we all respect each other’s belief systems. We recognize that one is not right or wrong.
How do you practice your belief system prior to marriage? Do you attend a church, synagogue or mosque? Do you have different expectations for after you get married? Having these types of discussions can save a lot of heartbreak and pain. Do you believe in God or some higher power, and does your partner? Have you explored your religious faith-if you have one? Most people become the religion that they were born into. Some question the basic tenets of that religion. Have you explored what yours means, and do you want to continue in that faith?
It is unlikely that 2 people who come together, even if they have the same religion will have all the exact same beliefs and traditions. An open and honest discussion about each of your belief systems is a sign of religious and spiritual maturity. Within these differences, can you make some compromises? Can you understand where the other person is coming from? It is necessary that you both feel heard and respected. Perhaps you can even develop some new traditions that belong just to your family.
Take care,
Debbie
