Most people look forward to the holidays with all the yummy food and socialization. However, if you have an eating disorder, you may wondering how you will survive the holidays. You may fear all the foods, as they are a trigger for all that you will not let yourself eat. Or perhaps you fear that you won’t be able to control the amount you eat. With a little thought and planning, you can get through the holidays with a little less dread.
Be aware of triggers to survive the holidays
What triggers or upsets you? What is your biggest fear? Are you afraid that people will be watching you eat? Do you think people will comment on your size or judge you? Are you telling yourself that you are fat?
If you know the things that upset you, are there some things you can do ahead of time to ease those fears? Perhaps you can do some sort of meditation to help calm you down. If your inner critic is saying negative things, can you talk back to it? Imagine what you’d say to a friend in a similar situation and say the same thing to yourself. No one is judging you as harshly as you are judging yourself.
Amount of food
The holidays are the time of year where there is an abundance of food. People make special dishes for the holidays; many of them may be very rich or sweet. Just seeing the vast amount of food can be overwhelming. Perhaps there is so much delicious food that you want to eat; yet you tell yourself you can’t have it because they have too many calories, or are too greasy. On the flip side, you may worry that you won’t be able to control the amount that you eat.
Binge eating/restricting
If you tend to binge eat, it may be helpful to fill up on healthier options. Start with some fresh fruits or vegetables. Do not skip meals before hand, or you will be extra hungry, which only sets you up to binge. Also remember, that this is the time of year where many people do overeat, so don’t beat yourself up if that occurs.
On the other hand if you tend to restrict, try to challenge yourself to have a small portion of each dish. This is the time to treat you. Or if there is something you love, that you don’t normally eat, allow yourself to enjoy a few bites. Savor them.
Communication
Talk to your family. If you are struggling, let them know. It is OK to ask them for what you need. If you want tell them ahead of time that you would appreciate it if they did not make any comments about your size, your looks or the quantity of food on your plate. Having this conversation may make the occasion more enjoyable. No one wants to walk on eggshells, or feel a sense of shame.
Support of friend or family to survive the holidays
Who can be your support person? This is someone you trust and will advocate for you. If they are at the meal with you, perhaps they can steer uncomfortable conversations in a different direction. Maybe they can stand up to the person who is offending you in a way you can’t.
If this person isn’t at the event, if things get difficult you can go in another room or outside and contact them for support. They be may able to brainstorm with you on how to handle any difficult situations. It can be difficult to think straight if you are already anxious.
Get professional help
Many people struggle with their eating disorder for years before seeking help. You don’t have to do this to yourself. As soon as you realize you have a problem, seek the help of a therapist. There are several of us who specialize in working with people with eating disorders. You are not alone.
What to say if someone upsets you
If you have a strong suspicion that some friends or family members are going to comment about you, it can be helpful to have some prepared responses. If they ask you a question, you don’t have to answer that. Just let them know that you aren’t comfortable answering the question and change the topic. If they persist, it is OK to leave the room or go outside. Remember, boundaries are to protect you, not make other people happy.
Set realistic goals to survive the holidays
Perhaps you want to challenge yourself to take at least a taste of everything (unless it’s something you know you don’t like). Even at a minimum, can you take a bite of some food that you consider to be forbidden?
If you tend to overeat, perhaps you want to only get 1 salad plate, one plate for your main dish and sides, and 1 for dessert (or it’s equivalent).
Remember, this is a goal. We are not striving for perfection here.
Don’t make food the focus
Remember, the holidays are also a time for connection and socialization. You can make this your focus. Visit with people you haven’t seen in a while or those you enjoy being with. You don’t have to hang out in the room where all the food is located. Sit in another room and enjoy those around you.
I hope you find these tips helpful. I work with people with body image concerns and eating disorders. There are many tools and tips I can share with you to help you survive the holidays. Please give me a call at 713-304-6554 if I can be helpful in any way.
Take care,
Debbie
