Friendships are important to our emotional well-being and sense of belonging. In healthy relationships we can be ourselves, we can trust the person and we feel respected. However, not all friendships are healthy. A toxic friendship is a relationship where one or both people consistently exhibit behaviors that are harmful to the other person’s emotional well-being.

Toxic friendships can be emotionally draining and damaging to your self-esteem. However, we might not even be aware that the friendship is toxic. It’s important to recognize the signs of a toxic friendship and take steps to protect your emotional well-being. It is important to think about how you feel when you are with this person. Do you feel better or worse about yourself? If you aren’t sure, continue reading below.

Signs of a toxic friendship

Don’t respect your boundaries

If you have set clear boundaries with your friend and they push you or ignore you, this is toxic. Boundaries are not to make other people happy but to keep you safe. These are different for everyone. Whatever you decide is right for you. Anyone worth keeping in your life will respect your boundaries, even if theirs are different.

Constant criticism

This person may put you down either directly or indirectly. Perhaps they make fun of the way you look, other friendships you have, or your accomplishments. This doesn’t feel good to anyone, and can be harmful to self-esteem.

Continuous drama in a toxic friendship

If your friend constantly has drama in their life and expects you to drop everything to help them, it can be emotionally draining and exhausting. You do not need to get into other peoples stuff.

I heard a great saying, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” You didn’t create their drama and you aren’t responsible to get them out of it.

Lack of support

This person doesn’t support your hopes and dreams. Perhaps they rain on your parade. If you set a goal they might tell you why it won’t work. They aren’t there for you when you need them.

Manipulative behavior

This person might not want you hanging out with other people. They may want to have their way all the time. Perhaps they coax you into doing things that you don’t want to do or are not comfortable with. You feel that your opinion doesn’t matter.

One-sidedness in a toxic friendship

This is about only benefiting the one person. They are the taker and you are the giver. Your needs and wants are not important.

Jealously

This person is jealous of your achievements, relationships, job, looks etc. They might try to sabotage you in one of these areas. This is because they are not secure with themselves.

Gossip

A toxic person might talk about you behind your back, or spread rumors. One way you can tell your friend is gossiping about you is if they are gossiping about others. This tells you that your personal information isn’t safe with them.

You may want to take stock and see if any of your friendships leave you feeling drained or appear toxic. As a worst-case scenario you may need to end the relationship. This is not easy to do, but you may need to for the sake of your emotional well-being. However, there may be some ways to salvage the relationship.

What to do if you have a toxic friendship

Set boundaries

Be clear about your boundaries and what you need from the friendship moving forward. Perhaps they did not know that your boundaries were being pushed. If your friend is not willing or able to respect your boundaries, it may time to end the friendship.

Take a break

Consider taking a break from the friendship to give you time to heal and evaluate the relationship. This can help you gain perspective and determine if the friendship is worth salvaging.

Be honest

Have an open and honest conversation with your friend about your concerns. Let them know how their behavior has been affecting you and why you need to end the friendship. Or if you have already taken a break from your relationship, it might just die off on its own.

Seek support for a toxic friendship

Ending a toxic friendship can be emotionally challenging, so it’s import to talk to friends, family members, your therapist or other people you trust.

Remember, ending a toxic friendship is not a failure on your part. It’s a brave decision to prioritize your own emotional well-being and surround yourself with supportive and positive people. Doing the right thing isn’t the easy thing.

If you are involved in a toxic friendship and can’t seem to get out of it, therapy can help. Please give me a call at 713-304-6554 and we can help you set the boundaries that you need.

Take care,

Debbie Grammas