Some people are very hard on themselves. They admit that they are their own worst critics. In addition, these same individuals would never say these inner critic words to anyone else. If they did openly express these thoughts, they wouldn’t have any friends.
Most of us at some time criticize or judge ourselves, and that is OK. If you do it often, that’s another story. Perfectionists are most likely to be the hardest on them self. This is a recipe for anxiety and depression.
However, you might wonder if you are too critical of your self, or you might not even be aware that you are doing it. Awareness is the first step to change. Below are some ways to tell if your inner critic is over the top according to Psychology Today.
How to tame your Inner Critic
You torture yourself over things that have small consequences
We all make small mistakes. Most of us shrug it off, or are sad/mad for a short time period. Perhaps you forgot to get something at the grocery store shortly after returning. Doesn’t this happen to everyone?
Ease up on yourself. Practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that this happens to everyone. While it is a minor annoyance it is easily rectifiable.
You beat yourself up after correcting your mistake
Some people continue to beat them self up after it’s all said and done. You don’t need to go down the rabbit hole and ruminate on it.
Ask yourself if there is anything else you can do about the situation. Is your thinking about it accomplishing something? If not, tell yourself to let it go, and that it is out of your control. You did the best you could.
You prioritize other things over self-care
Most people know what they need to do to take care of their physical, emotional and spiritual health. If you take care of everything and every one else before taking care of yourself, you will burn out.
Remember what the airlines say about putting on your own oxygen mask before putting it on someone else. If we don’t take care of our self first, we won’t have anything to give in the future. Thus, be sure to prioritize your self-care.
You take the blame when someone mistreats you
Do think you are responsible if someone forgets to do something? Perhaps you tell yourself that it’s your fault because you didn’t remind them. You question yourself if you are angry with another person and wonder if you did something wrong. If someone doesn’t look at your Instagram reel its because they don’t care about you. Perhaps you don’t say anything if someone makes a microaggression towards you or say that you are too sensitive.
If there is a disagreement between two people, each takes a piece of the responsibility. So perhaps some of it is your fault, but the remainder is the fault of the other person. Also listen to your self-talk. You might be trying to mind read and can be way off base.
Your inner critic tells you that you need to be perfect
I’ve had clients who want to be the best of everything, the prettiest/handsome, smartest, best social media posts, and best life-style. You name it and the list goes on and on. It sounds exhausting even to write about it, I can’t imagine what it would be like to live it. Perhaps you are trying so hard in these areas that other more important things are not done. This is problematic.
I always tell perfectionists to shoot for 80% as your 80% is like other people’s 100%. There is nothing wrong with striving for excellence, just not perfection. None of us is perfect.
You feel incompetent even though you are doing fine
Are you focusing on the areas of your life that you aren’t doing that great in? Are you engaging in all or nothing thinking? Many perfectionists tend to look at the areas in which they are lacking. They ignore what they are good at, or minimize it.
Not all areas of your life have to be in order, or perfect to be successful. None of us has it all together. Most of us do well in some areas, just OK in others, and sometimes not well at all.
Your inner critic will give others the benefit of the doubt but not you
If someone else does something wrong, you are able to minimize it or have compassion for them. For instance if someone did poorly on a test you remind them that they did the best that they could. You let them know that we all botch a test at times, or you suggest they get tutoring. Perhaps you remind them that they will do better next time, or may be able to retake the test. Anything that will make them feel better.
Instead of beating yourself up, tell these same words that you’d say to someone you love or care about.
Learning how to tame your inner critic will not only make you feel better, but free up emotional energy to put elsewhere. If this is something you struggle with, therapy can help. Please give me a call at 713-304-6554.
Take care,
Debbie Grammas
