Do you feel like a failure? This is a little different than failing a test, or failing to achieve a goal. Those kinds of things are situational and happen to all of us. Most of us can feel sad or sorry for our self for a short time period, brush it off and move on. However if you feel like you are a failure, this is a little different. It is longer lasting.

To tell if you fall into the more pervasive category, there are certain symptoms to consider. These include constant self-doubt, anxiety, depression, hopelessness, low self-esteem, shame, anger, and fear. There also may be embarrassment or disappointment.

Reasons people feel like a failure

Perfectionism

If you strive for perfection, you will at some point in time fail. None of us is perfect. Setting yourself up for that will lead to disappointment and feeling like a failure.

Expectations not met

Perhaps you are overambitious and set your goals a little too high, thus you did not meet them. You may be disappointed and feel like a failure.

Comparison to other people

If you compare yourself to other people you are most likely to come up short. Typically people compare themselves to people who are doing better than them. They may have achieved more-or give the appearance that is the case.

Social media seems to exacerbate the situation, as most people post their successes, not their failures. It is also possible that you are not giving yourself credit for your successes or partial successes.

Inner critic of failure

Often time’s people will say they are their own worst critics. Do you tend to beat yourself up and say negative things about yourself? Listen to your inner voice. You may be focusing on the negatives and not paying attention to the positives.

External validation

Can you feel successful on your own? Or do you need someone else to validate your success? It could be that someone doesn’t know about it, or forgets to say something about it. In addition, if you are striving to meet the expectations of someone else, vs. your own, you might feel like a failure.

Lack of direction

Some people might feel like a failure if they are stuck or lost. Perhaps they don’t know where they want to go to school, what job to apply for, or if they should look for a new job. It is hard to move forward if you are unsure of your path. Remember that this is a transition period and you won’t be stuck forever. You will eventually figure it out.

How to stop feeling like a failure

Set realistic expectations

When you set realistic expectations, you will be more likely be able to reach your goals. Or perhaps you recognized that they were set too high and readjusted them to be more realistic. That is a success.

Learn from your disappointments

We all have them as none of us are perfect. In the example above, learning from the setback may mean that you need to set more realistic goals. See if you can figure out where things went wrong and try again. Things might not happen as quickly as you like, but once you get there the reward may be even sweeter.

Challenge your failure thinking

What is another way of looking at your disappointment? Were there some things that you learned in the process? Remember, we are all works of progress and we strive for things our whole life. Were there some silver linings that came with your challenges?

My guess is that there are things that you are good at. Focus on your strengths. Doing so will increase your self-esteem and give you a sense of accomplishment.

Mindfulness

Sometimes practicing mindfulness or meditation will help you get out of your head. These tools can help you feel more centered and be able to take more of a neutral or positive stance.

Self-compassion

How about easing up on your self? Remember everyone makes mistakes. Tell yourself that tomorrow is another day and you can try again.

What would you say to a friend in the same situation? My guess is that you would be much kinder. Say those kind soothing words to yourself.

It may also help to take a break from social media. Why not try it and see if it makes a difference.

Therapy for feelings of failure

Feeling like a failure can lead to symptoms of depression. Perhaps you can’t quit that your negative thinking on your own. It often helps to talk to someone who is not emotionally involved in the situation. It may help to process it and recognize that what you are doing isn’t helpful. There are all kinds of things we can do to help you feel better about yourself. Please give me a call at 713-304-6554 and we can come up with a plan to meet your needs.

Take care,

Debbie