Do you struggle with imperfection or think you are not good enough? If so, an excellent book is Brené Brown’s, the Gifts of Imperfection. She delves into shame along with imperfection. Brown talks about the importance of sharing our shame. The wonderful thing about doing so is that it takes away the gut punch and power of it. The reason being is that if we hide it, it grows. Of course if you decide to share your story of shame, you want to do so with people you can trust. We want someone who is empathetic and compassionate. This should be someone who will listen to us and not judge.

Brown characterizes shame as “ The intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” This is a very uncomfortable feeling. You may even fear that other people won’t like you if they really knew the truth about you. Thus your instinct is to keep others from finding out.

She describes 10 guideposts to live a full life. These are a way to let go of your expectations of what you think you should be. As a result it will ease those feelings of shame and perfectionism.

Guideposts for Imperfection

Cultivate Authenticity

Don’t get hung up on what others think of you. In doing so, you allow yourself to be vulnerable. It is important to set some boundaries and let go of perfectionism. Work on practicing self-compassion and compassion for others. Know that everyone of us struggles, so it is OK to acknowledge yours.

Develop Self-Compassion

When you do so, it will decrease your need to be a perfectionist. We want you to strive for excellence and do your best, not be perfect. If we think we need to be perfect, then what does it say if we are not? It’s easy to think that we are not good enough, or fear that others will place blame or judgment. Think about it. Do you know anyone who is perfect?

Nurture a Resilient Spirit for Imperfection

With this guidepost the goal is to stop numbing yourself and being powerless. Those who are resilient are good at problem solving. They know when to ask for help and how to connect with others. They believe they have all the tools they need to deal with their feelings. It also refers to easing up on those feelings that you are not good enough. Some people use substances to numb themselves so they don’t have to deal with the feelings. Yet people don’t think about the fact that when you numb yourself you also miss out on the good feelings.

Practice Gratitude and Joy

The notion of this guidepost is to let go of scarceness. Gratitude is defined as, “spiritual practices that we’re bound to a belief in human connectedness and a power greater than us.” Joy is the “intense feelings of deep spiritual connection and pleasure.” Let yourself feel these things. Don’t act from a position of scarcity, such as having a fear that these good things won’t last. You may not let yourself feel these because you think nothing good lasts. Or you are waiting for the other shoe to drop. Gratitude and joy are not constant in any of our lives. Enjoy and be grateful of these good things. If you pay attention, you will notice that we have things to be grateful for on a daily basis.

Grow Your Intuition and Trust Your Faith

When we do this we release the desire for certainty. There are many things in life that no one can guarantee. Do not seek assurance from others. This maintains the anxiety of not knowing. Trust your own instinct. You are the expert on you. Do what is best for you, even if others don’t agree.

Cultivate Creativity for Imperfection

Let go of comparison. We tend to do what we refer to as an upward comparison. You compare yourself to someone who has what you don’t have, so you come up short. There will always be someone better looking than you, smarter than you, more successful than you. Be happy with who you are and the assets that you possess. In addition you have things that others wish they had. Comparison is a recipe for misery. You most likely have all that you need.

Nurture Play and Rest

Don’t let exhaustion be a status symbol of your productivity. Some people will say they stayed up all night long studying or working. It’s as if they are proving their self worth. These people may not know how to relax and are always on the go. You need some balance in your life. We all need to recharge our batteries or we will burn out. What is your most productive time of day? Whatever that is, use it for work. When you know you are not productive, use that time to play.

Cultivate Calm for Imperfection

Get rid of anxiety as your way of life. However, if you grew up with chaos that is what you are comfortable with. As a result, it may be hard to practice calmness. Anxiety does not have to be your way of life. Practicing calmness may just start with one breath. You can practice meditation or yoga to feel that sense of calm.

Cultivate Meaningful Work

Let go of self-doubt and “supposed to.” What are you good at, what are your gifts and talents? We think we are supposed to have a great job that make a lot of money. Is there something that you can do that you love that will at least pay the bills? At some point in time, the money means less and less if you are unhappy with what you do.

Learn to laugh, sing and dance

You don’t have to be a control all the time. Let loose. Sing at the top of your lungs even if you can’t carry a tune. Dance like no one is watching. Do you want to have fun and participate in life, or do you want to watch from the sidelines? Have fun, been goofy and laugh.

If you struggle with shame or imperfection, it may be helpful to have someone to talk to. Give me a call me at 713-304-6554.

Take care,

Debbie