My guess is that when you first started dating you used to do all kinds of fun things together. Or maybe you were talking for hours and hours. You probably had relationship rituals and didn’t even realize it. As the newness begins to wear off, you might start to just coast in your relationship. No one tells you that relationships need continuous work. As the years go on you might start to grow apart. If you don’t do something about that wedge, it will continue to grow.

If you find yourself in that boat, don’t despair. There are things that you can do to close that wedge and increase your emotional connection. Or perhaps you are in a newer relationship and want to be sure you don’t drift apart. These ideas can help you too.

In addition, it gives you a sense of identity as a couple. The way you do things will be different than your friends or family members.

Relationship rituals to try

Coming and going

Each day when we leave our home and return we have a chance to connect. What happens when you are coming and going? Do you say hello and goodbye? Do you hug or kiss? Or do you just leave without saying anything?

This is a very important relationship ritual. It is important that you and your partner let the other person know when you are leaving and returning. In addition it’s a good idea to hug or kiss. This will help you feel connected.

Date night as relationship rituals

It’s important that you carve out a set time for each other. It’s so easy to get caught up in our own lives, especially after having children. In the beginning the focus needs to be on the child as all you have time for is eating and sleeping.

After a few months, it’s time to get back into the swing of things. If you don’t you will get in a rut. In a perfect world you’d be going out once a week. At a minimum you should be having date night every other week. It doesn’t have to be at nighttime either. Based on your schedules it could be breakfast or lunch. Time alone together won’t happen on it’s own. Again, this doesn’t include children. However, it can be just the two of you, or with other couples.

Dinners together

This is the one meal that we are typically all home for. However, if you have children, then dinner as a family works too. You’d be surprised at how disjointed meal times can be. I’ve heard of people all eating on their own whenever they feel like it, or eating in front of the TV.

To really connect at dinnertime, there should be no outside interference. That means no TV, phones or reading material. Dinner should be at a table where you can talk to each other.

Traditions as relationship rituals

How do you celebrate the holidays? As a couple you get to decide. Do you go to another family members house, or stay at home. Are other people included, or just your family? Perhaps you have a special meal with certain foods. Maybe you play games or have other traditions. There is no wrong or right. It’s whatever the 2 of you decide that makes your relationship unique.

Have a shared activity

Is there something the 2 of you enjoy together? Perhaps you like doing projects around the house. Even if one of you is handier than the other you can still help out.

Maybe you enjoy playing cards or games. Do you like to garden together? There are a whole host of things you can do together.

Exercise

Exercise is good for all of us. It not only promotes physical health, it also one of the best things you can do for your mental health. Maybe you simply like going for walks. If you have a dog, this would be great to do together. Many wonderful talks can be had while walking together.

Maybe you play together on some sort of team. Others enjoy bike riding, running, golf, or bowling. Do whatever you enjoy and have fun. Exercise is typically more fun with another person. If you aren’t that motivated or don’t enjoy exercise, it helps to have an accountability partner.

Religious/spiritual relationship rituals

Do you share some religious beliefs? Maybe it’s as simple as you both believing in god. Maybe you belong to a church, temple or mosque. If you aren’t a fan of organized religion, perhaps you are both spiritual. Maybe you like to meditate or practice mindfulness. Perhaps being in nature together leads to a similar connection.

There is no wrong or right here. Is there something that you both believe in that is bigger than yourselves, or give meaning to your lives.

Try a new hobby or sport

Starting something new together can add some spark and excitement into your relationship. Perhaps you have wanted to try pickle ball or some other sport. You might even want to take a class together, whether it is for fun, information or exercise. Maybe you both have always wanted to learn a new language. There is no wrong or right here, whatever sounds good to you.

If your relationship is not struggling, there are always things that you can do to increase the emotional intimacy in your relationship. Remember, if you plan to spend a lifetime together, you will need to be doing some of these relationship rituals to stay established as a couple.

If you feel like you struggle with that emotional connection in your relationship, therapy can help. Give me a call at 713-304-6554 and we can work on increasing your relationship rituals.

Take care,

Debbie