Since the focus of last months blog was on Mother’s Day, it only seems fitting to make today’s on Fathers Day. What comes to your mind when you think of dad? You might have wonderful feelings such as being a rock, being there for you when you needed him. Perhaps he was a good role model and instilled in you a healthy value system.
Hopefully he treated you the way you deserved, with respect and compassion. This certainly doesn’t mean that you get away with everything and get everything you want, but you got your needs met in a healthy manner and that there were a clear sense of boundaries, right and wrong. My hope for you is that your father was all of these things for you.
However, this may not be the case. Perhaps your dad was an alcoholic or had a substance use problem. He may have had trouble controlling his anger. He may have been abusive. So you learned to avoid him, lay low and walk on eggshells. In this case, there weren’t healthy boundaries and you did what you needed to do to survive a toxic environment. Perhaps you are still struggling with these family patterns. Hopefully he got/gets help, so you can try to have a healthy relationship and get what you needed in a father. Perhaps he is still struggling and you need to stay away for your own mental health.
Is your father alive? Will you be honoring him in some way today whether it’s a card, phone call or family gathering? My hope is that it goes well for you and you are able to enjoy that relationship with him.
If your father is not alive, will you still honor him in some way? Say a prayer, visit a gravesite, or share fond memories of him with other family members? Perhaps you are grieving as dad is no longer alive, or there may still be pain over the recognition that you will never have the relationship with your father that you wished you had. This may be the first Father’s Day without him. If you are grieving your dad today, whether he has passed away or you realize he will never be the man you want him to be, my hope is that you will find love and solace from your remaining loved ones.
If you are struggling with your feelings about your dad, you may want to come in and discuss it, as therapy can help with grief. If everything is as you wish it to be with your dad, then I hope you enjoy your time or talk with him.
Take care,
Debbie
