Forgiveness
What does this word mean to you? We hear about forgive and forget all the time. It sure is easier said than done. We can forgive, but I don’t know that we really forget about what happens. Perhaps it is best that we don’t forget, as it’s a way to keep us safe (if someone has hurt us) or a reminder to change our behavior (if we have hurt someone else).
You may need or want to forgive someone who has harmed or offended you in some way. Maybe you don’t want to forgive them, but it keeps eating at you. Ask yourself about the pros and cons of not forgiving, and the pros and cons of forgiving that person. What do you gain by holding on to your anger or hurt? Maybe you want the other person to suffer as much as you do.
Have you heard that forgiveness is really for you, and not the other person? That may sound crazy, but if you are able to forgive, it will ease your own emotional pain. Holding on to anger will hurt you more than the other person. Maybe you harbor some resentment. I once heard someone say that resentment is like drinking battery acid and expecting the other person’s stomach to rot out. The notion is that it hurts us more than the other person. The other person may not even know that you are hurt or holding on to something painful.
If you are not able to forgive the other person, then it may be easier for the relationship to end. There is no need for you to consider suffering if you are unable to let go. By moving on, you can let go of the hurt and pain that came from the action.
What if the person you need to forgive is yourself? Maybe you have hurt someone else. Forgiveness is not always an easy thing. It is a process. Ask yourself if there is something you need to do to make amends. Perhaps if you sincerely apologize to the other person, they will forgive you. This may be the first step in moving forward for you. You may have to do something else in addition to the apology. You may have to work on building trust in the relationship, which takes time. In addition, you may need to work harder at the relationship or put more time into it. Eventually you’ll need to get to a place where you can acknowledge that you are human, you made a mistake, and vow to learn from it. Hopefully it won’t happen again.
If forgiveness is something you struggle with, please give me a call at 713-304-6554.
Take care,
Debbie Grammas, PhD
